Camera Adds Pounds Comic Strips - Page 9
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Share July 17, 1997's comic on:
The Boss sists at a conference table with Wally and Dilbert. He waves a pice of paer and says, "Ten of our finest executives got together and created a statement of our core values." The Boss quotes from the document, "We help the community and the world by producing state-of-the-art business solutions." Wally responds, "I'm glad we didn't skimp and try to do that with only nine executives." Dilbert adds, "Yeah. It might have sucked."
Share September 01, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his computer. A voice comes from the video conferencing camera on top of the monitor. "This is Dogbert the Network Systems Administrator, to all ignorant employees." Dogbert stands in front of a computer terminal. He says, "He who controls your information, controls you. I control your information." The Boss sits at his computer. Dogbert voice says, "The board of directors has appointed me Emperor for Life. Bring the pointy-haried boss to me." The Boss furiously presses a key on his keyboard and thinks, "Uh-oh! The 'escape' key isn't working!"
Share October 18, 1997's comic on:
A television anchorman sits next to Dogbert and looks into the tv camera. He says, "My guest today on "Money Chatter" is the head of the "Dogbert Mutual Fund." The anchorman reads from a paper and says, "It's reported that your fund is the highest performer of the decade. Tell us how you made that happen." Dogbert says, "Okay." Dogbert says, Apparently, this guy will read anything you hand him." The anchor's eyes bulge out.
Share November 27, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of his home computer. Dilbert thinks, "The installation is successful. I have 128 kilobits per second of digital access to the internet." Dilbert dances. Dilbert thinks, "As tradition requires, I do the engineer's victory dance." Dogbert films with a video camera. Dogbert says, "...so if I ever have to kill him, the jury will realize it was justified." Ratbert asks, "Could you hurry?"
Share January 03, 1998's comic on:
Ratbert sits on a trash can and says to the garbage man, "Now that you've won the Nobel prize, I guess you'll leave the garbage industry." The garbage man says, "No." He says, "I'd miss the action. I'd miss the smells... the sights... the people..." Ratbert adds, "The rats." A woman in a bathrobe comes outside and says, "I accidentally threw out a paper plate last week. Would you look for it?" The garbage man whispers, "I'm kidding about the people part."
Share March 09, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert holds up a diagram and says, "This is very technical. I'll explain..." The marketing guy leans in to see better. As the marketing guy's eyes swirl around Dilbert snaps a picture with his camera. Dilbert posts the picture on the wall with many others like it under a sign reading "Gallery of Googly-Eyed Marketeers" Wally holds a cup of coffee and says, "Drool! Good one."
Share November 01, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert points a video camera at Dogbert and says, "Let's see some emotion, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "I need to be in the mood." Dilbert says, "Remember when it looked like 'E.T.' died, but really he didn't?" Dogbert sniffs like he is about to cry. Dilbert says, "The neighbor's cat says you're fat." Dogbert says angrily, "The fool!" Dilbert says, "Imagine you won an academy award for 'Best Dog.'" Dogbert looks surprised and says, "Me?!!" Dilbert says, "Imagine some frozen lavatory waste from a passing jet crashes through the roof and flattens me as I film this." Dogbert falls over and laughs. Dilbert asks, "Is that sorrow? It doesn't look like sorrow." Dogbert thinks, "Oops."
Share February 21, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says "Dogbert's Digital Dating Service." A man enters and says, "I'm a loser. Sign me up." Dogbert aims a camera at the man and says, "Say 'Velveeta.'" The man smiles. Dogbert sits at a computer and says, "Now we digitize your picture for the database." Dogbert says, "I could add some digital hair." The man replies, "Good idea." Dogbert says, "Maybe I should bob your nose and give you a tan." The man says, "That's fair." Dogbert asks, "Whiten teeth? Smooth wrinkles? Hide stomach? Thicken lips?" The man replies, "Yes" to all of his questions. The man looks at the final photo and says, "I look like Sandra Bernhard." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but you have to admit it improves your odds."
Share May 02, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sees a sign that says "Bungee Jump 10 dollars." He thinks, "It's the manly thing to do." Dilbert enters the office and says, "I'd like to expose myself to avoidable danger." A man says, "Sit right down." The man says, "I need to know your weight so I can adjust the bungee cord." The man says, "Be sure you don't under-estimate your weight or else your head will hit the ground like an over-ripe cantaloupe." Dilbert answers, "Seven hundred pounds." The man wraps a bungee cord around Dilbert's body and head. He says, "Count to three and jump." Dilbert and the man stand on a hill. Dilbert says, "I didn't know you could do this on a hill." The man kicks Dilbert. Dilbert lies face-down on the hill. He says, "Today, I am a man." The man says, "For a hundred bucks I'll pull you back."
Share June 27, 1993's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We can succeed if each of you will commit to giving 110 percent." Wally says, "That would be ten percent over the theoretical maximum." Dilbert adds, "Can't be done." Wally says, "Plus you have your vacation days and your sick days . . ." Dilbert continues, "Heck, these staff meetings take ten percent right off the top . . . Wally asks, "And what about all the times something unexpected comes up?" Wally says, "I think we could give you . . . What?" Dilbert says, "Forty-three percent." Wally adds, "And that's not a commitment." Dilbert says, "It's an estimate." The Boss asks, "Can we continue the meeting now?" Dilbert replies, "I'm over my estimate for today."