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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1999's comic on:


Tags #most common metal errors, #hot day, #heel, #add anew category

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Dogbert stands in Dilbert's cubicle with a clipboard. Dogbert says, "In order to save time, I made a checklist of your most common mental errors." Dilbert says, "It'll be a hot day in hell before you need that, my friend." Dogbert looks at the paper and says, "I need a new category."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #too underfunded, #succeed, #slow day, #slide toward failure, #moms unconditional love, #hold me to that

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Dilbert and Dilmom are in the kitchen. Dilmom cuts carrots. Dilbert says, "I'm working on a project that is too under-funded to succeed." Dilbert says, "Every day is a slow but inevitable slide toward failure and humilation." Dilbert says, "At least I'll always have my mom's unconditional love." Dilmom says, "Are you going to hold me to that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 22, 1999's comic on:


Tags #motivating you, #great job, #golfing day, #cow owkrers, #pay cut

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "I decided to try to motivate you." The Boss says, "...If you do a great job, you get to go on a golfing day with co-workers." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Can I take a pay cut instead." Wally thinks, "ZZZZ"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1999's comic on:


Tags #job secuirty, #be an engineer, #takes all day, #get in on scam

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Tina says to Alice, at Alice's cubicle, "Alice, I need a career that has job security." Tina says, "Teach me to be an engineer. I don't care if it takes all day." Tina says, "But don't tell anyone; they'll all try to get in on this scam." Alice makes a funny face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #day care is closed, #tess is yeller, #smokey is biter, #towns people torched

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Carol with a child in each hand comes up to Dilbert, who is at his computer and says, "I brought my kids to work because day care is closed." Dilbert turns around and Carol introduces the kids. "Tess is a yeller and Smokey is a biter." Later on... Dilbert, with Smokey hanging from his teeth on his arm and Tess on his leg screaming, is now standing behind Carol, who is sitting at her desk. Dilbert says, "Why is day care closed?" Carol replies, "The townspeople torched it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 1998's comic on:


Tags #annual inspirational talk, #work hard, #competition, #feel afraid, #quality of lives, #too afraid, #management incompetetnce

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The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #website, #business case, #web productivity commitee, #technology

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Dilbert tells the Boss who is sitting behind his desk: "I need to see a web site that's blocked by our I.S. Group." The Boss replies: "Submit a business case to the Web Productivity and Security Committee." A snail approaches Dilbert while he is typing at his terminal and says to him: "Hey, bro, where's your shell? This ain't casual day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bv day, #boss vacation, #pretend working, #all day with binder

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Consulting his planner, Wally tells a co-worker: "I can't meet next Tuesday because that's a B.V. day." The co-worker asks: "B.V.?" Wally explains: "Boss Vacation. I don't need to pretend I'm working that day." Consulting his planner again, Wally continues: "And on Wednesday I'll be walking around all day with a binder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #one page report, #two page executive summary, #spend the day, #snapping underwear, #elastic band

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The Boss asks Dilbert: "Can you turn your one-page report into a two-page executive summary?" Dilbert answers: "I was planning to spend the day snapping myself with the elastic band on my underwear." He continues: "But your idea is good, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2000's comic on:


Tags #30 day dance of death, #new job within, #spray paint

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Catbert, standing on a table, says to Ted, "Ted, your thirty-day dance of death begins today." Shaking a bottle of spray-paint, Catbert says, "You must find a new job within the company during that time." As Catbert spray-paints the letter 'L' on Ted's chest, Ted says, "Is the spray-paint absolutely necessary?" Catbert says, "That's an 'L'."