Corporate Vice Presdient Comic Strips - Page 9

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161 Results for Corporate Vice Presdient

View 81 - 90 results for corporate vice presdient comic strips. Discover the best "Corporate Vice Presdient" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #allegiance, #patents, #corporate secuirty, #shadowy figure, #secrets, #offering, #alternatives, #repeat business

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Boss: If a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets, what should you do? Dilbert: How much is he offering? Boss: That shouldn't matter. Dilbert: How can I compare alternatives? Wally: Would there be any repeat business in this scenario? Corporate Security

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business people, #business plan, #corporate dysfunction, #dishonesty, #incompetence, #longer, #lumbering monument, #seeking feedback, #more of the same

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Dilbert: I had a question about your feedback on my business plan. You called it a "lumbering monument to incompetence, dishonesty and corporate dysfunction." Alice: What's your question? Dilbert: Do you think it should be longer?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #charitable organizations, #corporate charity, #deception, #no boss fooled, #teaching interview techniques, #trained umemployed, #work ethic, #job skill

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Wally: Last week, I did my corporate charity work by teaching unemployed people how to interview for jobs. Boss: Don't they also need job skills? Wally: Nah. I taught them how to look busy. Boss: No boss will be fooled by that. Wally: Do you believe I trained unemployed people last week?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banquets, #senior vice president, #technology awards banquet

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Boss: I have you seated next to our senior vice president at the technology awards banquet. Dilbert: Because you hate me? Boss: No, it's because I hate him. Dilbert: This is making me very unhappy. Boss: Don't peak too soon. Wait for the banquet.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assumption, #business ethics, #buy prodcuts, #corporate strategy, #corporation, #customer centric, #etiquette & ethics, #evil, #executives, #ideas, #marketing campaign, #monopoly, #needs, #needs of customers, #psychological manipulation

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CEO: I welcome any input on our corporate strategy. Dilbert: I think we need to be more customer-centric. CEO: You mean raise our prices? Dilbert: I mean focus on the needs of our customers. CEO: You mean we should be a monopoly so they need us? Dilbert: Um, no. We should find out what they need and then give it to them. CEO: They need to buy our products. Dilbert: They probably don't. CEO: So you're saying our marketing campaign should use psychological manipulation to make people think they need our products. You finally had a good idea. Dilbert: I'm going to stop talking now.

Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey

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Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assistant, #caffeine, #coffee, #croney, #lackey, #Promotion, #vice president, #upper body strength

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Asok: Now that you are a vice president, may I apply to be your lackey? Wally: If I'm being honest, Asok, I need someone with more upper body strength to carry my coffee all day. Asok: Then I said, "A Vice President's coffee can't be that heavy."

Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar

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Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #politeness, #conversation, #etiquette, #efficiency, #illogical

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Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.

Two Bad Options

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Two Bad Options - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business, #business ethics, #business failures/bankruptcies, #hide, #managers & supervisors, #options, #analysis, #corporate

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Dilbert: I analyzed our only two options. One option costs too much, and the other option is impossible. Boss: Let's do the impossible one. Dilbert: Perhaps you can explain your reasoning. Boss: According to you, we will fail either way. But if we fail in a slow and inexpensive way, no one will even notice for months. With any luck, we'll have a corporate reorganization that forever hides our gross incompetence. Dilbert: Have you done this before? Boss: Every six months.

Dogbert Teaches Safety

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Dogbert Teaches Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #safety, #training, #simple, #corporate

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Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's corporate safety training. Don't touch anything, don't move around, and don't talk to anyone, ever! Thanks for coming. Dilbert: That's the whole class? Dogbert: Don't blame me for being good at summarizing.

The Moron Option

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The Moron Option - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #corporate rule, #vendor, #accounts receivable, #30 days, #pay, #payment, #exception, #moron

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dilbert: our corporate rule is that we won't do business with any vendor who does not give us at least 30 days to pay. dilbert: but we can get the same product for half the price if we go with the vendor who wants payment immediately. should we make an obvious exception here or be morons? boss: i think you're under-valuing the moron options.