Current Job Comic Strips - Page 9
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View 81 - 90 results for current job comic strips. Discover the best "Current Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
A woman at a desk tells Dilbert, "Sorry, I don't date guys from work." Dilbert says, "I'll resign . . ." The woman says, "Sorry, I don't date unemployed guys." Dilbert says, "I . . . I'll get a new job . . . One you approve of." The woman says, "Sorry, I don't date guys with your social security number." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dogbert says, "So, it turns out her unlucky number has nine digits in it . . ." Dilbert says, "But she knew my social security number, so I think there's some interest there . . ."
Dilbert looks over Alice's shoulder at her monitor. Alice points to the screen and says, "The internal job postings are out. Here's a job I'd love." Alice reads, "Experience required: the candidate must be a guy named Eric, pot-bellied, nearsighted, must drive a red Ford Bronco." Dilbert says, "They might have someone in mind already." Alice says, "If I squint . . . and leave my 'control top' pantyhose at home . . ."
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"
Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "According to my sources, you've been enjoying your job, Wally." Wally replies, "It was temporary. I don't know what got into me . . ." Catbert says, "Please refer to page one of the employee manual." Wally reads the manual, "Job satisfaction is the same as stealing from the company." Catbert says, "I'll have to charge you for admission unless I start hearing some shrieks of pain."
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Now that job security is a thing of the past, I've noticed that my company loyalty has vanished, too." Dilbert continues, "And when you made my bonus primarily dependent on the blunders of senior management, my motivation fluttered away like a lonely sparrow." The Boss asks, "So your point is?" Dilbert says, "No point. I just didn't have any reason to be working."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "If we are to succeed, you must become change masters in an ever-changing, change-adaptive environment." Wally says, "Let me get this straight . . . Every change seems to increase our workload while decreasing our job security and real earnings after inflation . . ." Wally asks, "And the problem is OUR lack of flexibility?" The Boss replies, "Not entirely. There's also your bad morale."
The Boss and Wally sit at a table. The Boss says, "We don't do 'layoffs' at this company. But you HAVE been selected to participate in our mobility pool!" The Boss explains, "As the name implies, you get to scurry around trying to find a nonexistent internal job before the ax falls." Wally asks, "How's this different from a layoff?" The Boss replies, "With layoffs you get to keep your dignity."
The Boss says to Wally, "Good news, Wally. Most of our smart employees quit to get much better jobs elsewhere. Now we don't have to do any downsizing." The Boss continues, "Your job is safe. We need you to do the work of all the people who left." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Wally asks, "Is it just me . . . or is the quality of 'good news' really going downhill lately?" Dilbert replies, "I'd have to say you're both going downhill."
Dogbert and Ratbert stand on a desk chair in front of a computer. Dogbert says, "Ratbert, your job is to review eighty million lines of computer code in the company's systems." Dogbert explains, "You're looking for any reference to the current year. Those pieces of code will be a problem when the year is 2000." Six months later, Ratbert and Dogbert sit at a conference table. Ratbert says, "I'm happy to report that the date did not show up once. In fact, it was all just zeros and ones!" Dogbert thinks, "Oops."