Decision Process Comic Strips - Page 9

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219 Results for Decision Process

View 81 - 90 results for decision process comic strips. Discover the best "Decision Process" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #charge customers, #free features, #customers, #abusive realtionship, #move in direction, #put up with

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Boss: We've decided to charge customers for features they currently get for free. Dilbert: Um... Have you considered how our customers might react? Boss: Obviously. Wally: I'd like to hear how that reasoning process went. Boss: Fine. Customers love us and they will put up with anything we dish out. Wally: So... It's sort of an abusive relationship? Boss: Not yet, but we're trying to move in that direction.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #internet & world wide web, #decison, #emailed, #definition, #sarcasm, #internet, #technology

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Dilbert: I need something called a "decision." You might not know what that word means, so I emailed you a link to its definition. How did people do sarcasm before the internet? Wally: Maybe they didn't need to.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fraudulent analysis, #total betrayal, #shareholders, #rational beghavior

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Dilbert: I finished the fraudulent analysis you requested to support the decision you already made. It's a total betrayal of shareholders and a slap in the face for anyone who values rational behavior. Boss: Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted. Dilbert: You're welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #laugh, #science, #surprise, #united, #nations, #vote, #space, #alien, #ruler of earth, #supreme, #freckles, #press conference

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Dilbert sits in his chair watching television. A newscaster says, "In a surprise decision, the United Nations voted to make Dogbert - the Space Alien - the Supreme Ruler of Earth." The newscaster continues, "More on that later. But first, science offers new hope for people with freckles . . ." The caption says, "Dogbert holds his first press conference." Dogbert stands at a podium shouting, "Hu-ha-ha! Hu-ha-ha!" A reporter thinks, "Not a good sign."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #trial, #jury, #verdict, #judge, #Dogbert

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The foreman of the jury reads a document and says, "The jury has reached a decision in the case of 'Dogbert vs. A Big Corporation.'" The man continues, "We award Dogbert fifty million dollars because we hate big companies and we like little dogs with glasses." The man continues, "And we award a Maytag dryer to juror Mindy for being 'Best Dressed.'" The judge covers his eyes and thinks, "I hate my life."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #preliminary recommendation, #radically reengineered, #business process, #coughed skull, #business

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Dilbert: Here's our preliminary recommendation for radically reengineering our business processes. AAAGH! COUGH SPOINT! Dilbert: He coughed up his skull. Dogbert: I bet that smarts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #committed to buy, #cost justify, #ethical, #execuitve, #translate, #vendor, #weasel, #words

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Weasel: tell me about your project and I'll translate it into weasel words for the business case. Dilbert: well, and executive had lunch with a vendor and committed to buy some stuff that doesn't work. Our job is to cost - justify the decision. Wesel: I quit Dilbert: Don't get all ethical on us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior executive, #bad deciosn, #end careers, #challenging, #decison, #great idea, #mixed signals, #pull neckties, #hurts

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"If we know our senior executive is making a bad decision, shouldn't we tell her?" "Hmm, yes. Let's end our careers by challenging a decision that won't change. That's a great idea." "I'm getting mixed signals here." "And let's pull our neckties until it hurts!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executive style decison, #cucbicle, #illegible question scrawled, #loose original, #excuses

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"This item will require your usual executive-style decision." "You know: keep it on your desk for three weeks, then sneak it back to my cubicle with an illegible question scrawled in the margin." "Or, for your convenience, I have made no copies; so you can lose the original and claim you gave it back to me." "Hmm"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #greatest accomplishemnts, #big raise, #draft, #white paper, #impact of work, #owls, #losy woodland, #habitats

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Dogbert sits in Dilbert's office with a laptop balanced on his lap. He says to Dilbert, "Tell me your greatest accomplishments at work. I'll use that to hype you up with your boss so you get a big raise." Dilbert says, "I wrote a draft of a white paper on a strawman process to reengineer our product process." Dogbert asks, "And what was the impact of that work?" Dilbert answers, I think some owls lost their woodland habitats."