Determine Cause Comic Strips - Page 9

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86 Results for Determine Cause

View 81 - 86 results for determine cause comic strips. Discover the best "Determine Cause" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2016's comic on:


Tags #hypothetical, #worst-case scenario, #pessimism, #nightmare

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Boss: What's the worst-case scenario? Dilbert: A rogue nation could insert a cyberweapon on our software. The virus could destroy all technology on Earth. Lacking the means to communicate over great distances, single people would only be able to marry people who lived nearby. I could end up marrying your daughter. That would make you my father-in-law and my boss. That nightmare would cause me to denounce humankind and go live in a park, naked, with a family of squirrels. When winter came, I would be forced to strangle the squirrels, one by one, to make myself a coat. I can't tan leather, so that would be a senseless tragedy. Boss: Let's try to avoid that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology

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Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.

Anger Issues

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Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #anger issues, #listen to crazy people, #mental problems, #work weekend, #crazy people

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

Ted Dies From Chair

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Ted Dies From Chair - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #the boss, #ted, #treadmill, #alice, #exercise ball, #kneeling chair, #ergonomics

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Catbert: Ted got thrown from his treadmill desk, bounced off of alice's exercise ball chair, and broke his neck on a kneeling chair. The cause of death is listed as, "good ergonomics." On the plus side, his posture was excellent.

Birds Cause Hurricanes

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Birds Cause Hurricanes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #ceo, #research, #nonsense, #hurricans, #birds, #noted, #polar bears, #hate, #snow

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CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?

Wally Needs A Raise

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Wally Needs A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #system, #architect, #Promotion, #pay raise

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wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.