Dinosaur Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dogbert sits on the armrest of a couch. Dilbert, with a phone in his hand, says, "I've been on hold for tech support since Tuesday. Get Bob and meet me in the car." Dilbert is driving with Dogbert in the passenger seat. Bob the Dinosaur says from the back seat, "I can't wait to try my newest maneuver, the 'Turban Wedgie.'" Bob is holding the tech support person in the air. The tech support person has a turban on his head. Bob says to Dilbert, "It starts like a regular wedgie then I wrap it around his head." Dilbert says, "Question . . ."
Dilbert watches Dogbert and Bob the Dinosaur hanging paintings on the office wall. He asks Dogbert, "How did you get the contract to supply our company with wall art?" Dogbert answers, "Low bid." Dogbert says, "As we speak, my assistant is scouring the earth in search of low-cost art." Ratbert stands outside the "School-O-Art" with a bag of money. As an art student wearing a beret and painter's smock is thrown out of the school with his painting, Ratbert says, "I'll take it!!"
Dogbert sits on the hassock and Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs sit on the floor. Dogbert says, "I read that dinosaurs evolved into the bird family." Bob replies, "That's exactly correct, Dogbert." Bob continues, "But most people don't realize that there was a very difficult period when some dinosaurs started evolving into birds." Bob continues, "Learning how to fly was the hardest part." Several dinosaurs jump off a cliff and land on their heads. Another dinosaur straps on a helmet. Bob continues, "And living in trees was a real nuisance." A dinosaur clings to a branch as it falls to the ground. Dogbert says, "Boy, that sounds tough." Bob says, "The tragic part is that we did it just for the 'bonus miles.'"
The caption says, "It is the most feared and hated creature on earth." The caption says, "Not a dinosaur." Bob the Dinosaur growls. The caption says, "Not a rabid dog." Dogbert asks, "Rabid?" The caption says, "Not Donald Trump." Donald Trump wears a tuxedo. The caption says, "It is the 'ugly single male.'" Dilbert holds his arms out. The caption says, "Other males fear being associated with him." Dilbert says, "Hi, guys!" Two men run away from him. The caption says, "Women avoid eye contact and flee in horror." Dilbert asks, "Anybody free for lunch?" One woman puts her head down and covers her face. Another runs away. The caption says, "Only a maiden sacrifice can end the horror." A woman tells Dilbert, "We drew straws; I have to marry you."
Dogbert walks in the park. A fish with legs comes walking down the path. The fish says, "Howdy!" Dogbert says, "I've never seen a fish with legs." The fish explains, "I'm evolving into a higher life form." Dogbert says, "That sounds like a lot of work." The fish says, "Yeah . . . The hard part is finding a mate who isn't turned off by legs." The fish continues, "With any luck, the kids will be mutants too." The fish continues, "I'm hoping they'll have arms but not look too much like Rodney Dangerfield." The fish stands at the edge of a pond. He tells a female fish, "These legs are a natural advantage!" The female says, "Oh, that's original."
Dogbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "I heard you were doing some baby-sitting, Bob." Bob responds, "Yeah! I did the Morton triplets last night." Bob says, "It's not easy to juggle three screaming toddlers." Dogbert says, "When you say 'juggle' . . ." Dilbert hands Bob the phone and says, "It's the Mortons with a question about their ceiling fan."
The caption says, "Dogbert versus Catbert." Dogbert stands on Catbert's desk and says, "I understand you've sentenced Dilbert to death." Catbert asks, "Is that a problem?" Bob the Dinosaur stands behind Dogbert and looks menacing. Dogbert says, "My assistant, Bob the Dinosaur, will now demonstrate how to give a cat a 'fur wedgie.'" Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. He says to Dogbert, "I've been pardoned. Somehow they lost the paperwork ordering my execution." Dogbert responds, "It probably fell into a crack."
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman. Dilbert asks, "If you were hired, what would be your long-range career goals?" The woman replies, "I'd have your job in six months. In a year you'd be working for me, you big pile of dinosaur dung." Dilbert looks at the woman's resume and says, "I see you attended an all women's college. Does that make you more confident and assertive?" The woman puts her elbow on the table and says, "Either arm. Let's go."
Bob the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Businesses used to be like Christianity; if you were faithful and obedient, you could obtain bliss in the afterlife of retirement." Dogbert continues, "Now it's more of a reincarnation model. If the worker learns enough in his current job, he can progress to a higher level of employment elsewhere." Dogbert continues, "These analogies aren't working for you, are they, Bob?" Bob replies, "My hope is that one day I will biodegrade and become 'WD-40' oil."
Dogbert sits on a stool. The panel contains the title, "Dogbert Presents: The Seven Advantages of Being Dumb." The caption says, "1. Impending doom doesn't bother you." Dilbert tells Bob the Dinosaur, "There's a hole in the ozone layer." Bob replies, "Cool!" The caption says, "2. Television is a source of constant wonder." Bob sits in a chair watching tv and thinking, "I wonder if Doogie is a doctor in real life." The caption says, "3. You have a solution for every problem." Bob thinks, "If people are starving in Africa they should move to France." The caption says, "4. You are not constrained by a budget." Bob sits in the driver's seat of a convertible car. He shouts to Dilbert, "It was free! They just make you sign papers!" The caption says, "5. You've seen Elvis . . . Frequently." Bob watches a man walk by and says, "It's the King!" The caption says, "6. Instant replays are as exciting as live action." Bob watches tv and thinks, "This time he could make it." The caption says, "7. You receive twice as many compliments." Dogbert says, "You're kind of the Dan Quayle of dinosaurs." Bob says, "Really?! Wow!"