Director Of First Impressions Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for director of first impressions comic strips. Discover the best "Director Of First Impressions" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new vp, #cost containment, #first priority, #reduce expenses, #office supplies, #supply cabinet locked, #butter efficient secreatray, #naive question, #dispirited hollow shells, #product shoddy, #get supplies, #like honesty

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The Boss, Alice, Dilbert, Asok, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I'd like you all to meet our new vice president in charge of cost containment." The VP says, "My first priority is to reduce our spiraling expenses for office supplies." The VP continues, "From now on, your supply cabinet will be locked." The VP continues, "The only key will be under the control of your bitter and inefficient secretary. Questions?" Asok raises his hand and says, "I am only an intern so please excuse this naive question . . ." Asok continues, "I've noticed that the employees are all dispirited hollow shells, management is random and our products are shoddy." Asok asks, "How are you going to solve that by making it hard to get supplies?" The VP looks angry. Asok says to Wally, "I thought you said they like honesty." Wally whispers, "Ask how much he's paid. It shows you care."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #cubicle plan, #densification project, #dignity, #evil director, #human resources, #lower morale, #patented head cubicle, #recycled, #business

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The Boss, Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Mr. Catbert, our evil director of human resources, will describe our new cubicle plan." Catbert says, "Last year we reduced the size of cubicles in the densification project." Catbert continues, "We didn't save much money, but we did lower morale." Catbert continues, "This year we'll build on that success . . ." Catbert holds a square box and says, "With the patented 'Head Cubicle.'" Catbert lifts the Head Cubicle and says, "Hold still, Wally." Catbert says, "And the head cubicle can be recycled after you're downsized!" The cubicle covers Wally's head. Dilbert, Alice and Wally wear the cubicles on their heads. Alice says, "We really need to draw the line at some point." Dilbert adds, "While we still have our dignity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #first salesperson, #noah, #sell ark, #animals, #yacht, #sales babble, #disguise motives, #pioneered lame joke, #weather, #reach quota, #blaming engineering, #greatest innovation

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Dogbert and Ratbert sit on the couch. Ratbert asks, "Who was the world's first salesperson, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Some people say it was a guy named Noah." The caption says, "Noah's last name was content." Noah says, "I have a big, curly stick and I don't even know why." The caption says, "His job was to sell an ark cruise to animals." Noah asks an opossum hanging in a tree, "Did I say ark? I meant yacht." The caption says, "He invented soemthing called sales-babble to disquise his motives." Noah says, "We'll partner to leverage our value-adds in a win-win proposition." A beaver looks confused. The caption says, "He pioneered the lame joke." Noah asks a giraffe, "How's the weather up there? Hee hee!" The caption says, "When he couldn't reach quota, he got creative." Noah hands a unicorn horn to a cat and says, "Strap this to your head and don't ask questions." The caption says, "But his greatest innovation he called 'blaming engineering.'" An angry bear tells Noah, "I can't find the honey spa." Noah thinks, "Think fast."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #look stressed, #champion, #workplace, #stress no more, #unpaid overtime, #ignite hair, #pissed ouff, #angry, #taken advantage

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert remarks to Alice, "You look stressed out, Alice." Catbert says, "I could fix that by becoming a champion for improvements in the workplace." Catbert says, "Or I could give you a little booklet called 'Stress No More'." Catbert says, "Hmm.. I wonder which way is best." Alice reaches for booklet. Alice reads, "'Stress is your body's way of saying.." Alice continues, "'..You haven't worked enough unpaid overtime.'" Alice starts to get mad. Catbert says, "I've never seen a woman's forehead ignite her hair before."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #director, #co workers, #sadistic, #big nut, #party, #spinach dip

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director" Catbert has the sadistic nut in his office. Catbert says, "Your co-workers say you're a sadistic nut." Catbert says, "Gimme five, you big nut! and keep up the good work!" Catbert says, "Hey, I'm having a party on Saturday. Can you make it?" The sadistic nut says, "Sure! I'll bring my spinach dip."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #boss treats, #furniture, #dangerous predent, #new position, #tried crounching

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director" Allan is in Catbert's office. He has a lapm strapped to his back. Allan says. "My boss treats me like furniture." Catbert says, "I'd help you, but it might set a dangerous precedent." Allan says, "I need a new position." Catbert says, "Have you tried crouching?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wife had baby, #a moron, #foster care, #first instinct

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A man walks up to Dilbert and Wally in the office kitchen. The man says, "My wife had a baby!" Wally says, "I hope it's not a moron." Dilbert says, "Have you looked into foster care?" Dilbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't have gone with our first instinct." Wally says, "We meant well."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame others, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #oversized head, #problem, #tight pantyhose, #low morale

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert says, to Alice, "Alice, you blame others for your low morale." Catbert points at Alice and says, "BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS YOUR TIGHT PANTYHOSE!!" Alice says, "I don't think so." CAtbert says, "Then how do you explain your oversized head?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #kill coworker, #employee manual, #award for cost saving, #evil hr director

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Caption "Catbert: evil h.r. director" Alice sits in Catbert's office. Catbert says, "Alice, did you kill another co-worker?" Alice says, "Yes." Catbert looks in the Employee Manual and says, "But you did not discriminate, sexually harass, steal or take drugs. hmmmm.." Catbert says, "It looks like I have to give you an award for your cost saving idea." Alice says, "Thank you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #training classes, #skilled, #better job, #secret untraining method, #hammer, #head, #hit on head

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Caption "Catbert: evil h.r. director" Catbert looks into Asok's cubicle. Catbert says, "Asok, you have taken too many training classes." Asok says, "Too many?" Catbert says, "You're too skilled now. There's a risk you'll leave for a better job." Asok stands blind folded. Catbert holds a huge hammer above his head. Asok says, "Does the "secret untraining method' work every time?" Catbert says, "I've never tried it before."