Evil Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for evil human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Evil Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #new engineer, #cheap, #huge raise, #under budget, #static electricity, #fuzzy cute, #dead now

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Title reads: "Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert is at his desk. He says to Dilbert, "I hired a new engineer for your project." Catbert unveils the new engineer. He is a joke. His tongue hangs out of his mouth, his eyes are wide, his collar is up and one side of his shirt is untucked. Catbert says, "He's never been an engineer before." Dilbert listens as Catbert continues, "But YOU'RE an engineer, so how hard could it be?" Catbert adds, "And he's cheap! I'll get a huge raise for being under budget." Dilbert is getting furious. Catbert exclaims, "And your project will fail! Ha Ha Ha Ha!" As the new engineer reaches towards him, Catbert realizes, "Uh-oh. I laughed myself full of static electricity." The new engineer thinks, "Fuzzy. Cute." and pets Catbert. "Zap!" Dilbert, standing over the body of the new engineer, asks, "He's dead. Now what?" Catbert replies, "I guess you'll have to drag him to the meetings."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #hr dept., #views of management, #exceeds expectations, #renamed, #drool, #loser, #die die die, #category changes, #performance review

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CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #expect raises, #bad ratings, #reflect poorly, #ability to motivate, #useless people, #feel bad

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #campiagn, #employee happiness, #forbidden fruit, #no dating emplyees, #date each other

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #office efficency, #celebrated, #done forevre, #feel special

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources In order to improve office efficiency, all birthdays will be celebrated on the same day." "Do you mean one clebration per year, or just once and then we're done forever?" "Just once." "Well, at least I'll feel special once. What day is the celebration?" "Yesterday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #25 each, #cheap hot dogs, #cover charge, #employee appreciation day, #evil director, #harder to appreciate, #pocket money

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert: Employee Appreciation Day is next Tuesday. The cover charge is $25 apiece. wally: How do we know you won't buy cheap hot dogs and pocket the rest of our money? Catbert: Every day it gets harder to appreciate you." gulp gulp gulp

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #code monkey, #dreams, #evil director, #less work, #software simian, #architect, #engineering

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Wally: I'd like to change my job title to something with 'architect' in it. My dream is to do less work while allegedly being more valuable. Catbert: The best I can do is 'code monkey. Wally: How about 'software simian'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dried up head, #evil director, #free stuff, #hr, #inquiry, #trouble saying no

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Is there a company sponsored program for regrowing my lost soul? CatBert: No, but I'd be happy to bat your dried-up head until it snaps off. Dilbert: I have trouble saying no to free stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #murder, #refusal, #reprimand

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "your boss says you refuse to do your job." Dilbert says, "he told me to kill a customer, assume her identity, and place a huge order with the company." Catbert says, "I'll transfer your to the collections department until you're willing to kill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil, #mean, #cruel, #meeting, #money, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "You shouldn't come to work just for money." Catbert says, "You should come to work to avoid not having any money." Wally says, "I'm only in it for these meetings." Catbert says, "Settle down, baldy."