Finish In Month Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dogbert stands on an air traffic control panel. He says to the Boss, "Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget." Dogbert continues, "I had to cut a few corners. This big radar-looking thing is a wall clock. And most of the buttons are glued on." The Boss says, "It looks like it might be um . . . dangerous." Dogbert says angrily, "Great . . . I finish early and what do I get: 'feature creep.'"
The Boss, Alice and Dilbert stand next to the coffee machine. The Boss says, "I need everybody to help in the shipping department today." The Boss continues, "Every product that ships before the end of the month gets counted as revenue for the fiscal year. Unfortunately, we don't have inventory." Dilbert, Alice and Wally each have an open box in front of them. The Boss continues, "So we'll ship whatever is lying around, book it as revenue and sort it out later." Wally reaches into his mouth and says, "This one's getting gum."
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."
Wally looks at a pack of cigarettes and tells Dilbert, "I never noticed this warning label on my cigarettes before." Wally reads, "If this product doesn't kill you right away, the executives of our company will drive over to your house and finish the job. We know where you live, Wally. Quit now!" The Boss asks Dilbert, "Why am I paying for a color printer?" Dilbert replies, "It's also an air freshener if you know how to use it."
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I need a bullet point for your monthly accomplishments, Wally." Wally replies, "Put me down for, 'Leveraged synergy across all technology platforms.'" Dilbert says, "That was your accomplishment last month." Wally replies, "It's more of a journey than a destination."
Dilbert asks the Boss's secretary, "Carol, do you know why my raise hasn't showed up in my pay yet?" Carol replies, "I haven't submitted the paperwork." Carol says, "I'm too busy to do it. Maybe you should talk to my boss about getting me a secretary." Dilbert says, "Carol, YOU are the secretary." Carol replies, "That'll cost you another month."
Dogbert sits across from the Boss and says, "My code name is Dogbert. I'm an industrial spy." The Boss asks, "What makes you think my company needs your services?" Dogbert replies, "It's pretty obvious that you won't survive on your wits alone." Dogbert continues, "There's a rumor that Xypon Inc. is developing a tactical nuclear weapon to use against you." The Boss asks, "What exactly will you do for us?" Dogbert answers, "You give me fifty thousand dollars, then I disappear for a month and do secret spy things." Dogbert continues, "I'll return with information that only a spy or a regular newspaper reader could know." A man at Xypon Inc. asks, "How good are they, Dogbert?" Dogbert pulls a wagon full of money bags. He answers, "They're a bit gullible."
Dilbert sits at his desk. He hears, "Ha ha! Now spin on your head! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert walks into the room and sees an Elbonian standing on his head. He asks Dogbert, "What's going on here?" Dogbert replies, "This is Yergi. He's visiting from Elbonia." Dogbert explains, "The economy in Elbonia is so bad he only earns three dollars a month as a doctor." Dogbert continues, "It takes a year to earn enough for a pair of shoes . . . It takes TWO years for a pound of meat." Dogbert continues, "Philanthropist that I am, I offered to give him an old boot if he would act like my trained monkey for a week." Dilbert scolds, "Dogbert! I can't believe you would buy this man's dignity for an old boot!" Yergi says, "I plan to tell the kids it's a pound of meat." Dogbert says, "Quiet, Bobo."
Dilbert is at home watching television. Dogbert's infomercial is on tv. Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "Would you like to make $1,000 per month for a whole year?" Dogbert says, "Send $13,000 for complete information about Dogbert no-load funds." An individual is furiously writing the information down as Dobert says, "I'll include my free pamphlet explaining how to lose weight by eating less food." The guy thinks, "Show the number."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Thanks for asking me to dinner, Dilbert." Dilbert replies, "It's my pleas . . ." The woman interrupts, "I love eating out. What kind of tablecloth is this? I saw a movie last month." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . She's a serial yakker." The woman says, "Yak yak yak blah blah yak blah yak." Dilbert thinks, "She changes topics without even pausing to breathe." While the woman rambles, Dilbert thinks, "It's too hard to listen. I'm slipping into a coma." Dilbert grabs the tablecloth as he falls over in his chair. The waiter asks, "Is there a problem?" Dilbert lies on the floor. He says, "Run! Save yourself!" The woman starts talking again. The waiter panics and thinks, "Serial yakker!" The waiter falls on top of Dilbert and says, "Help me." Dilbert says, "Shhh! I'm trying to play dead."