Glass Half Full Comic Strips - Page 9

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323 Results for Glass Half Full

View 81 - 90 results for glass half full comic strips. Discover the best "Glass Half Full" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #air travel, #cash payment, #college freind, #cost & standard of living, #expensive, #friendship, #relationships

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Tina says, "My best friend from college keeps bugging me to visit her. The flight will cost a small fortune." Dilbert says, "Try offering her a cash payment of half the estimated cost of the trip if she agrees to stop inviting you." Tina says, "You don't have any friends, do you?" Dilbert says, "I hear they're expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commerce, #new software vendor, #form realtionship, #take money, #ex wife

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Man: I'm your new software vendor. I'm here to form a relationship with you. That way it will be easy to take half of your money. Dilbert: Does that ever work? Man: It worked for my ex-wife.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #public speaking, #spit take, #industrial sludge, #intern will drink

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CEO: I will prove our industrial sludge is safe by forcing an intern to drink a glass of it. Voice: That's stupid. We want to see you drink it yourself. CEO: See if you can reach that guy in the second row with a spit take.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #illness, #industrial sludge, #drank, #has tail, #lower iq points, #bright future, #quality assurance, #marketing, #zip line guide, #business

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Dilbert: He's been like this since our CEO made him drink a glass of our industrial sludge at a press conference. It looped a few points off his I.Q., but he's still has a bright future in quality assurance or maybe marketing. And with his new tail he'd be an awesome zip line guide.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefits of personhood, #chemical nutrients, #death & dying, #inventions, #petri dish, #robot, #scientific equipment, #skin cells, #sneezes, #science

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Wally: Before I die, I plan to put some of my skin cells in a petri dish with chemical nutrients and store it inside a robot. By law, I will still be alive as long as any part of my body is functioning. My robot will enjoy the full benefits of personhood. My robot and I will live forever! Dilbert: Until it sneezes you out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #panic, #store

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Dilbert and Dogbert stand at a store counter. The clerk asks Dogbert, "And what can I get for you little fellow?" Dogbert looks up at the salesclerk and yells, "I want it all!! Ha ha! Give me mouthwash, gum, deodorant, lipstick, Krazy glue, Rolaids and . . . And . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert walk out carrying full bags. Dogbert says, "I panicked."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #knowledge, #electronic, #bluff

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Dilbert stands in a computer retail store. A boy with long hair says, "Welcome to Electrode Hut. I'm half your age, and I know more about electronics than you ever will. May I help you?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. I would like a half-dozen niad pulse converters and an anza brush." Dilbert asks, "Or am I bluffing?" The clerk wrings his hands and thinks, "This guy is GOOD."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marriage, #pet ownership, #sell, #relationships

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Do you realize that if we stay together for seven years, we are considered married by common law?" Dogbert continues, "That means I own half of all your worldly possessions." Dogbert continues, "I plan to sell my half . . . Maybe buy some tasteful things instead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #swami, #trainee, #rust, #clientelle

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Dilbert and Dogbert, who is wearing a magician's hat, sit on pillows with a glass ball between them. Dilbert says, "I don't understand how you can become a certified swami by mail in three weeks." Dogbert replies, "Oh, I'm just a trainee." Dogbert continues, "In the beginning you just keep it general, to build the trust of your clientelle." Dogbert looks into the glass ball and predicts, "Eventually, you will die . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #terrarium, #failure, #weather, #patterns, #climatic, #experiment

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Dilbert leans over a table looking at a glass container. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My terrarium experiment is a failure." Dilbert continues, "By now it should have started its own self-contained weather patterns." Dilbert continues, "After all this waiting, it's just so . . . so . . ." Dogbert asks, "Anti-climatic?"