Goes As Planned Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for goes as planned comic strips. Discover the best "Goes As Planned" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #escalate, #escalator, #marketing guys, #misunderstands, #need to escalate, #goes to store

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Alice says to the Boss, "The marketing guys are stalling. You need to ecalate." The Boss leaves his office thinking to himself, "Must escalate." The Boss is in a department store riding an escalator, thinking to himself "I'll never understand how this helps."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #justin, #job interview, #medical research, #hydroelectric dam, #sound of idealism dying, #fabric covered boxes

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An interviewee sits at the table across from Dilbert. Dilbert asks, "So...Justin, why do you want to work here?" Justin replies, "I want to find a cure for asthma!" Dilbert replies, "We don't do medical research here." Justin says, "Oh." Justin holds out his arms and says, "Then I want to build the biggest hydroelectric dam in the world!" Dilbert says, "We don't do that either." Justin asks, "What do you do?" Dilbert replies, "We sit in fabric-covered boxes." Justin sits there and a snapping noise sounds above his head. It goes, "Shrivel. Crinkle. Ack!" Dilbert says, "That was the sound of your idealism dying." Justin says, "Show me to my box."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new corporate policy, #boss reads, #alice, #falls asleep, #boring, #wordy dcoument

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The Boss comes into Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, we have a new corporate policy." The Boss continues, "And I quote..." The Boss begins reading, "'Initiate the description for the criteria of requirements...'" Alice looks on as the Boss continues, "'...By developing a framework for the application architecture...'" Alice's eyes begin to droop and she thinks, "So tired." The Boss continues, "'Consistent with the planning corridor specified in our strategic initiative..." Alice's head rests on the keyboard and she is asleep. The Boss says, "Did you get all that?" The Boss goes into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, come here for a minute?" Wally goes into Alice's cubicle with the Boss and the Boss holds out a piece of paper and asks, "Read this and tell me if she's doing any of it right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #clean desk award, #clutter free desk, #back to cubicle

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The Boss hands Wally an award and says, "The Clean Desk award goes to Wally." As Wally looks at his award, The Boss continues, "Maybe Wally can share some tips on keeping our desks clutter-free." Wally looks up and responds, "I usually throw away this sort of thing in the men's room on the way back to my cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market expert, #buy stock, #sell house, #track record, #one week chart, #buy buy

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Headline: Stock Market Expert. Dogbert says in front of the camera, "...Everyone should buy stock in that company. Sell your house if necessary." A man replies into the camera, "Should we worry that the P/E is 900, your track record is terrible and you only recommend stocks you own?" The Boss is sitting in his office watching TV. Dogbert's voice is heard through the TV, "Well, Ron, as you can see from the one-week chart, this stock only goes up." The Boss says into the phone, "Buy! Buy!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice performance, #needs supervision, #protest, #evil, #purr

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Catbert says to The Boss, "Write on Alice's performance review, 'Needs too much supervision.'" Catbert continues, "When she goes to your office to protest, say, 'See what I mean?'" Catbert finishes, "Ooh! That was so evil I need to purr with my lips!" He spits all over the boss while purring, "P-p-p-urr.. p-p-p-urrr.. p-p-p-p-urr."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo visit, #tour of cubicles, #bunch of boxes, #pretend to work

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Headline: The CEO Visit. The Boss says to the CEO, "Would you like a tour of our cubicles?" The CEO responds, "Why would I want to see a bunch of boxes filled with people pretending to work?" The CEO continues, "Unless that's the only thing you planned for the first thirty minutes of my visit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #30 thousand employees, #emails jokes per week, #file bankruptcy, #lost prodcutivity, #ten million, #holding employee responsible

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Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, our records show that you forward an average of nineteen e-mail jokes per week." Catbert continues, "Each joke goes to 30,000 employees, costing us ten million per year in lost productivity." Catbert concludes, "We plan to blame you when we file for bankruptcy next week." Tina is visibly worried.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee of year, #awrd, #better luck, #next year, #jealousy, #unattractive

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The Boss stands at a podium and says, "The 'Employee of the Year' Award goes to.. no one." The Boss' voice continues, "Thanks for coming. Better luck next year." Dilbert and Wally are walking out. Dilbert says, "It's not as bad as the time that you won it." Wally responds, "Jealousy is unattractive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #winning streak, #snowball, #poker snowman, #turn up heat, #four queens, #turn up furnace, #melt snowman

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Headline: Meanwhile In Heck... Phil is playing poker with a snowman. Phil says, "You're on a winning streak, Snowball." Phil goes over to the thermostat and adjusts the temperature. He says, "But let's see what happens to your chances when I turn up the heat!" Phil says into the telephone, "That's right - the furnace is broken again!" Snowball says, "Four queens."