Grab Tie Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

104 Results for Grab Tie

View 81 - 90 results for grab tie comic strips. Discover the best "Grab Tie" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ted snadwhich, left in breakroom, marked ted, lost weight, anger, red faced

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'll be right back. I'm going to grab a Ted sandwich before the meeting." "A what?" "The food people always leave one sandwich in the break room fridge labeled Ted. It tastes like ham." "You're looking good, Ted. Have you lost weight?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags online (web) news, news manufaturer, online media, misleading headlines, snarky bow, news naturally, engineer, news magic, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I got a job as a news manufacturer for an online media company. I quote people out of context, add misleading headlines and tie it all up with a snarky bow. Dilbert: I thought the news occurred naturally. Dogbert: "Entineer Thinks News is Magic."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, fired, programming code, undocumented, passwords, death spiral, huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accusations, anxiety, continuous barrage, firewall, inevitable villager, pessimism, villagers with torches

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Dilbert, I want you to install the new firewall. Dilbert: Noooo!!!! Why me? Why me? The firewall guy gets blamed for every problem. People will say "Everything worked until you changed the firewall." There will be no rest for me. I will have to defend myself against a continuous barrage of accusations. It's always the firewall! Everyone blames the stinkin' firewall! I surrender to the inevitable! Villagers, grab your pitchforks and torches! Boss: How did he get that way? Wally: I blame the firewall.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, powerpoint, waste time, slow motion, read, project emu, tie, pull, yank, strangle, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I could've e-mailed you my powerpoint deck, and you could have read it in five minutes." Man says, "But I prefer making you sit here for an hour while I read each bullet point in slow motion." Man says, "P-o-i-n-t n-u-m-b-e-r o-n-e?" Wally says, "Yank this as hard as you can."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags merger talks, business as usually, happy, yell, take off shirt, take off tie, wide eyes, surprise, outburst, shirtless, bare chest, plan

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "We're in merger talks, but it's business as usual until it goes through." Wally says, "I'm free! My efforts won't influence my rewards!" The Boss says, "I said business as usual." Wally says, "I was totally planning to do this today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, singles, overalls, drink, cleaning, crime scenes, janitor, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "I love your tie-dyed overalls. That's a bold look." Dilbert says, "Actually, my job is cleaning crime scenes. I didn't have time to change." Dilbert says, "The singles scene is all about how you look."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, hr person, evil director, bad attitude, project, corpse of misery, donated brain, gum museum, mental imbalance, clarity, irrational, employee moral festival, won meeting, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: Your boss says you have a bad attitude. Dilbert: That's because my project is a flailing corpse of misery, and my boss donated his brain to a gum museum. If I had a good attitude in this situation, it would be a sign of a mental imbalance. My bad attitude is proof that I am thinking clearly. Are you going to compliment me on my clarity or demand I be irrational? CatBert: I'm putting you in charge of the employee morale festival. Dilbert: I have a sudden urge to grab you by the tail and beat myself to death. Catbert: That's how I know I won the meeting.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, schedule, conference room, boss, yell, angry, tie up, pointy hair, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I need this room for my meeting." Dilbert says, "Wouldn't it make more sense for you to get a different room since we're already here?" The Boss says, "All of the conference rooms are booked." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I guess we should compare the importance of your meeting versus this one." The Boss says, "That's not how it works." The Boss says, "Conference rooms go to the highest ranked manager." Dilbert says, "It took me months to schedule this meeting!" The Boss says, "Scram." The Boss says, "The goal of this meeting is to figure out why nothing ever gets done around here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags erased data base, laptop, prototype, blamed boss, set up boss, erased, screamed

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: "La-la-la-la-la... oops." "I inadvertently erased our entire customer database and all of the backups." "How can I explain this to our pointy-haired boss?" "Grab your laptop and follow me." "It's only a prototype. So whatever you do, don't touch anything." "GAAa!!! YOU ERASED THE CUSTOMER DATABASE!!" "ALL OF THE BACKUPS, TOO, YOU STUPID, STUPID #*@!*!" "I should've stopped before #*@!*!"