Hair On Fire Comic Strips - Page 9
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Asok, The Boss, and Wally are eating donuts and drinking coffee. Asok says, "The great thing about free speech is that I can criticize the government." The Boss replies, "I'd fire you." Asok says, "I mean outside of work." The Boss responds, "I'd fire you for that too." Asok asks, "May I express enjoyment of my pastry?" The Boss replies, "Sure. It's a free country."
Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "You need to hire people who won't be a threat to you." Dogbert hands The Boss a pamphlet and says, "The Dogbert Recruiting Agency specializes in the placement of clueless people with bad hair." The Boss replies, "I don't know... They still look threatening." Dogbert says, "Perhaps I can interest you in our cadaver program."
A disheveled coworker with smoke effusing from his head says to Dilbert and Wally, "Sorry I'm late." The coworker continues, "I left my mission statement paperweight in the sun and it set my cubicle on fire." The coworker continues, "I tried to douse it using my "We are Quality" mug but the handle broke and I got shards."
A female employee asks The Boss, "Our numbers are way down. What should we do?" The Boss replies, "Reorganize the department so there's no valid history for comparison." The Boss continues, "Then we'll fire a few people and give ourselves awards for saving money." The employee scrunches up her paper and mutters, "El Diablo."
The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."
Catbert says to a meeting, "This survey will help us improve morale." Dilbert turns to Catbert and says, "I misjudged you. I thought you were an evil director of H.R., but you care about morale." Catbert and The Boss are looking reading the surveys. Catbert says, "When we fire this disgruntled guy, my morale will go way up." The Boss giggles, "Hee Hee!"
The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, you should act as if you're your own boss." Alice replies, "Okay." Alice grabs her hair into two sections and says, "My hair is pointy and I'm confused. Suddenly I have no respect for myself." Alice looks dazed. She slumps in her chair and says, "Must...golf... now." The Boss responds, "That is so-o-o not funny."
Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "Sweet mother of potatoes! I just thought of a billion-dollar idea!!" The Boss responds, "The company owns all of your ideas. Cough it up or I'll fire you and then sue you." Asok and Alice are walking together. Asok cries, "Waaa!" Alice says, "Your first billion-dollar idea is always the hardest."
Dilbert, Alice, and Asok are sitting in a row. One side of Alice's hair is completely flat. She looks over to Asok and says, "Quit staring. I overslept and now I have a bad case of bed hair." Asok responds, "I'm confused. Surely it would have gone back to normal after your shower." Alice makes a fist and rolls up her sleeve. Dilbert runs away. Asok exclaims in fear, "Please do not unleash the unhygienic fist of death!"
Dilbert holds a piece of paper and says, "Your construction bid is the lowest so I have to award you the job." Dilbert asks, "When can your team of highly skilled craftsmen begin?" The beaver responds, "I'll call you." The beaver is leaning over a huge book titled, "Excuses." He says into the telephone, "Day one: My ex-wife set my truck on fire."