Heres Card Comic Strips - Page 9

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279 Results for Heres Card

View 81 - 90 results for heres card comic strips. Discover the best "Heres Card" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commercially viable, #hard drive, #installed software, #tail, #zimbu, #monkey, #animals

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The Boss: Well, well, It looks like Zumbu has designed another commercially viable product using only his tail. Dilbert: I could have done that....If I hadn't erased my hard drive when I installed my security software. I don't produce much, but its very secure. Monkey: Heres another one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #press release, #dsn, #bid 50 million, #hollywood studio, #providing static, #channels, #Dogbert, #static netowrk

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"Here's the press release about our bid to buy 'DSN' for fifty billion dollars." "DSN is the hollywood studio that provides static to all the channels that woudl otherwise be blank." "The 'Dogbert Static Network'?!!" "Talk to me, babe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #huge time saver, #final consulting, #company, #deadweight, #employees.fired, #company directory, #business

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Ratbert: Here's my final consulting report on your company. Ive listed all the deadweight employees who should be fired. The Boss: This is the company directory. Ratbert: Finding that was a huge time saver.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #baywatch, #morale is low, #talk of mutiny, #project staus report, #death to boss, #pointy haired one

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Dilbert: Here's my daily project status report. Morale is low. There is talk of mutiny. we dream of quitting and becoming lifeguards on "Baywatch" Death to the pointy haired one. The Boss: Holy Cow! "Baywatch' is hiring??!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #final design, #zebra, #fisnih on time, #canceled project, #month ago, #legal, #binder, #dont travel

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Dilbert: Here's the final design for Project 'Zebra'. I worked day and night for weeks to finish it on time. The Boss: I canceled that project a month ago, I meat to tell you. Dilbert: In some countries it would be legal to kill you with this binder, The Boss: Thats why I don't travel.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #iso 9000 certfication, #create boring, #poorly written document, #big binder, #copies to dept. heads, #dead racoon

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Dilbert puts a transparency on an overhead projector and says, "Here's the basic plan for getting our 'ISO 9000' certification." Dilbert points at the diagram and continues, "Each of you will create an insanely boring, poorly written document. I'll combine them into one big honkin' binder." Dilbert points to a picture of a man passing a binder to another man and continues, "I'll send copies to all department heads for comment. They will treat it like a dead raccoon and route it to the first passerby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telemarketing, #bid to run, #telemarketers pay themselves, #rip[ off people, #old people, #no way to lose

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Dogbert sits across from the Boss's desk. He hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's my bid to run your telemarketing company. Basically, it's no cost to you." Dogbert continues, "My telemarketers pay themselves. If they get a feeble-minded person on the phone they charge them triple and pocket the difference." The Boss says, "There's no way I can lose." Dogbert says, "Don't answer your home phone for a few weeks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #new org chart, #so close, #too bad, #play before firing, #downsized

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Catbert stands on a cubicle wall waving a document. Catbert says to Alice, "Here's the new org chart. Maybe you're on it and maybe not." Alice jumps up and tries to reach the sheet as Catbert holds it out of reach. Catbert taunts, "Ooh! Nice try! So close. Too bad." Catbert ties the chart to a string and dangles it into the cubicles. Wally and Alice lunge for it. Catbert says, "It's fun to play with them before downsizing them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #financial advisor, #living in dumpster, #twenty years, #dogcart deferred income, #own a mansion?, #photo of mansion

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Dogbert says to a prospective client, "Here's a picture of you living in a dumpster in twenty years." Dogbert continues, "But if you invest in the 'Dogbert Deferred Income Fund' take a look at what you could own someday!!" The client says, "I could own a mansion?!!" Dogbert says, "You could own a photograph."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #kill the messenger, #finance, #20% cut, #budget cuts, #success vector, #money

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An employee from the finance department stands beside an overhead projector, giving a presentation to Dilbert and Alice. The man says, "Here's your latest budget cuts. But please don't kill the messenger from finance, ha ha!!" The man continues, "I recommended a 20% cut. A quick glance around the room tells me you're not on the success vector anyhoo, so nothing lost." The finance employee hangs out the window, tied up in the overhead projector's power cord. He says, "Tough room."