High Expectations Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

191 Results for High Expectations

View 81 - 90 results for high expectations comic strips. Discover the best "High Expectations" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #employees, #work ethic, #managers should hire, #clear expectations, #micromanaging, #employee engement, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Experts say managers should hire great people and set clear expectations. They don't say what to do when you get the first part wrong, but I'm leaning toward micromanaging. Alice: My employee engagement just went down. Boss: That was never a real thing.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #deception, #work ethic, #huge losses, #stock up, #big raise, #similar system, #lowering expectations, #employee of the year, #job perfromance

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #high five, #human resources, #managers, #work ethic, #trash talking, #emplyee, #boss, #desk, #practice, #cat, #human, #animals, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I'm getting complaints that you've been trash-talking employees' families so they'll spend more time at work. I stopped by to give you a high-five from Human Resources. Your aim is terrible. Boss: The first one was practice~

Wally Sees The Problem

Thank you for voting.
Wally Sees The Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #problem, #expectations

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: You said you would have that done for me by today! Wally: Okay, I think I know what the problem is here. Coworker: You? Wally: That, plus your expectations.

Robot High Five

Thank you for voting.
Robot High Five - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #soul, #patience, #frustration, #artificial intelligence, #technology, #emotions, #anger

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you notice any changes after Alice gave you an artificial soul? Robot: I'm less tolerant of idiots asking me questions. Boss: High five. Robot: What is wrong with you people???

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #unrealistic, #project, #group, #laziness, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

Spending The Company's Money

Thank you for voting.
Spending The Company's Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #price, #high, #ted, #company, #money, #live, #die, #minute, #sense

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This price is too high. Ted: Why do you care? You're spending the company's money, not your own. And the company doesn't care if you live or die. Dilbert: Give me a minutes to think of why that doesn't make sense. Ted: Take as long as you need.

Exceeding Expectations

Thank you for voting.
Exceeding Expectations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #employees, #employment, #job, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #salary

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a bonus because you haven't exceeded my expectations. Dilbert: Did you expect me to exceed your expectations? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: It is logically impossible to exceed your expectations when you expect me to do it. Boss: No bonus!!!

Your Quote Is High

Thank you for voting.
Your Quote Is High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #computer software, #office, #sales, #sales personnel, #quote

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper? salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it. dilbert: what would be the point of that? salesman: you're the one who brought it up.

Asok Lives In The Office

Thank you for voting.
Asok Lives In The Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #cost, #criticism, #house, #office, #office workers, #expectations

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: All of you should be more like Asok. He is in the office before I arrive and still here when I go home. Asok: That is because housing costs are so high that I live here in the office and sleep in a bathroom stall. Boss: That still leaves a lot of stalls for the rest of you.