Impulse Control Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

162 Results for Impulse Control

View 81 - 90 results for impulse control comic strips. Discover the best "Impulse Control" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #supreme ruler, #earth, #wondering, #dolts, #worthy, #leadership, #ego

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert take a walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "It has always been my goal to become supreme ruler of earth . . ." As they peer over a cliff, Dogbert continues, "But lately I've been wondering if you dolts are worthy of my leadership." Dilbert asks, "Do you think maybe your ego is out of control, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I like it that way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tormenting the bvendor, #bidding economic future, #buying decsion, #performance measures, #vendor challenge, #nice t hsirts

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table with a vendor. Wally says, "You must do our bidding, Vendor. We control your economic future." Dilbert says, "Of course, our buying decision will be based solely on quantifiable performance measurements." Dilbert stands at the end of the table holding a hoop. The salesperson is on his hands and knees on the table. Dilbert says, "Your competitor completed the 'Vendor Challenge Course' in 37 seconds." Wally adds, "And he gave us VERY nice t-shirts."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #school for interpersonal skills, #Dogbert, #good relationships, #huge phony, #three fundamentals, #loud, #simple, #smiley, #low pressure system, #weather

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands at the front of a room and says, "The secret to good relationships is to be a huge phony." Dilbert and Wally sit in the class. Dogbert clicks a remote control and says, "Let's practice the three fundamentals." A slide projection lists, "Loud, Simple, Smiley." Wally shouts, "Hey, how about that low-pressure system, huh?!!" Dogbert stands on a stool and says, "Again, but this time say 'weather.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training course, #night, #won't miss work, #immortal abuse, #mutual investment, #fist of death, #vending machines

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "I'm sending you to a training course that runs at night so you won't miss any work." The Boss continues, "It might seem like an immoral abuse of my power, but I like to call it 'a mutual investment in your career.'" Alice clenches her teeth and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." The Boss says, "And they have vending machines if you get hungry!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flashback, #practical joke, #college kid, #bushel of money, #photographers

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "Flashback: Dogbert and the World's Smartest Garbage Man invent the first Web browser as a practical joke." Dogbert reads a newspaper and his ears fly up in surprise. The garbage man says, "It's out of control." Dogbert says, "I wonder what will happen to that college kid we framed." The garbage man says, "He'll be okay." The carrying a stack of money man asks, "Where would you like this bushel of money?" A college boy replies, "Stack it next to the photographers." A hairdresser combs his hair.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #lord, #master, #worthless cretin, #telemarketing, #voice mail

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #find people, #laugh nervously, #smack with flyswatter, #wouldn't be hobby, #no reason

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch, pointing the remote control at the tv. Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch wearing a backpack and holding a fly swatter. He says, "Wish me luck." Dilbert says, "For what?" Dogbert waves the swatter and says, "I'm going to find people who laugh nervously every time they talk. Then I'll smack them with my flyswatter." Dogbert walk away. Dilbert says, 'And the reason would be?" Dogbert says, "It wouldn't be a hobby if it had a reason."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorant employees, #controls information, #board of directors, #appointed emperor, #escape key

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. A voice comes from the video conferencing camera on top of the monitor. "This is Dogbert the Network Systems Administrator, to all ignorant employees." Dogbert stands in front of a computer terminal. He says, "He who controls your information, controls you. I control your information." The Boss sits at his computer. Dogbert voice says, "The board of directors has appointed me Emperor for Life. Bring the pointy-haried boss to me." The Boss furiously presses a key on his keyboard and thinks, "Uh-oh! The 'escape' key isn't working!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coached well, #date, #date analyzer, #cubicle fibers, #office job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert arrives for his date. A woman opens the door and Dilbert says, "Grunt, grunt. Absolutely right. Grunt, grunt, grunt." Dilbert says, "Grunt, grunt, grunt." She says, 'Someone coached you well for this date. You haven't said a thing I object to yet." Dilbert is strapped to a huge microscope labled, "Date-alyzer." He says, "Grunt." She stands at the control panel and says, "I see cubicle fibers... you have an office job."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #chemistry, #control, #course, #actions, #brain, #natural, #physics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Do you think the chemistry of the brain controls what people do?" Dilbert replies, "Of course." Dogbert asks, "Then how can we blame people for their actions?" Dilbert replies, "Because people have free will to do as they choose." Dogbert asks, "Are you saying that 'free will' is not part of the brain?" Dilbert replies, "Of course it is, but it's the part of the brain that's out there just being kind of free." Dogbert says, "So, you're saying the 'free will' part of the brain is exempt from the natural laws of physics." Dilbert answers, "Obviously, otherwise we couldn't blame people for anything they do." Dogbert asks, "Do you think the 'free will' part of the brain is attached or does it just float nearby?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up."