Search Results for "jump out"
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Character
Sunday November 07,
1999
Tags #newly designated, #fire warden, #bitter, #assignment, #regular job, #last one out, #safety, #fire, #panic, #flushing self, #exit door
Transcript
Wally is standing at a large pad with the word "SAFETY" on it, heading a meeting. Wally says, "I'm the newly designated fire warden for this floor." Wally continues, "You might expect me to be bitter about this assignment." ..."Granted, it tells the world I wasn't productive at my regular job." The group looks on as Wally continues, "And if the building burns, I'm expected to be the last one out." Turning over the page on the pad saying, "But my only concern is your safety. The large pad now reveals a sketch of three little stick figures running with the word "AAAGH!" above them. Wally explains, "In the event of a fire, don't be too proud to panic." The next page is a sketch of a stick figure, flying head first, into a toilet. Wally says, "If the windows won't open, try flushing yourself to safety. ..."And never, ever get between me and the exit door." The boss interrupts, "Wally..."
Monday February 07,
2005
Tags #work, #without supervsion, #teal, #hassle, #show himself out
Transcript
The Boss: Can you work well without supervision? Candidate: "No. I need continuous supervision to keep me from stealin' and harassin'." The boss: "I think we're done here." Candidate: "Do you mind if I show myself out?"
Monday June 20,
2005
Tags #bungee jump, #ceo, #dogcart consults, #reckless adventurer, #volcano, #worst performer
Transcript
Dogbert Consults "Your CEO is the worst performer in the entire Fortune 500." "Your best bet is to convince him to become a reckless adventurer." "Tell me again why I'd want to bungee jump into an active volcano?" "Because you can!"
Wednesday October 12,
2005
Tags #carol, #worst secretary, #fired, #involuntary termination form 904-b, #fill out form
Transcript
"Carol, you're the worst secretary ever. I have to let you go." "You can't fire me until you fill out the Involuntary Termination Form 904-B." "Can you get me one of those?" "Yeah. I'll get right on that."
Sunday May 07,
2000
Tags #presidential candiditae, #funny haired one, #social policies, #exact opposite, #tax plan, #bad plan, #make out, #like intelligent men, #she lied
Transcript
Dilbert asks Tina, "Which presidential candidates do you like?" Tina replies scratching her head, "I strongly favor the one with the funny hair. I forgot his name." Dilbert says, "His social policies are the exact opposite of your views." Tina answers, "Really?" Tina says to Dilbert, "Well, I like his tax plan." Dilbert replies, "Every credible economist thinks it's a bad plan." Tina answers, "Oh." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing we talked before you polluted the system with your vote." Dilbert then asks Tina, "Do you want to make out?" Dilbert arrives at home and explains to Dogbert, "She claimed to like intelligent men, but she lied."
Saturday January 20,
2007
Tags #close the gap, #good at something, #jump ahead, #strategy and capabilities
Transcript
The Boss: We need to find a way to close the gap between our strategy and our capabilities. Wally: Why don't we just pretend we're good at something and call it our strategy.Sorry...Didn't mean to jump ahead.
Wednesday January 24,
2007
Tags #alien, #bring technology, #handle oa agavel, #new guy, #order in the court, #simpletons, #snout, #working out, #health
Transcript
I came to this company to bring the technology of my advanced culture to you simpletons. "Has anyone ever told you that your snout is like the handle of a gavel?" "A what?" "How's the new guy working out?" "ORDER IN THE COURT!" BAM BAM BAM
Friday March 02,
2007
Tags #flipped out, #acts normal, #totally flipped, #punch her sane
Transcript
Tina: Dilbert totally flipped out when I showed him the cost estimates. Alice: "Really? Or is this one of those cases where someone acts normally and you inexplicably tell the world that they totally flipped out?" Tina: "Whoa! Don't flip out." Alice: "I wonder if I can punch her sane."
Friday August 17,
2012
Tags #banking, #international bank, #bail out, #treasury, #feral, #money, #countries
Transcript
Elbonian: Is this Dogbert's International Bank for Bailing Out Countries That Are Bad at Math? Dogbert: Yes. Elbonian: Our treasury is empty and we're not sure why. The entire country is becoming sort of feral. Dogbert: How much money do you need? Elbonian: No more than $85.
Wednesday October 10,
2012
Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #gadgets, #competitor, #out of business, #next prodcut, #predictable mediocrity, #genius
Transcript
Boss: Good news! Our biggest competitor just went out of business! There was so much anticipation for their next product that no one bought the current one and they ran out of money. Alice: Our strategy of predictable mediocrity paid off again. Boss: It's okay to call it genius.