Jumps On Anything Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

408 Results for Jumps On Anything

View 81 - 90 results for jumps on anything comic strips. Discover the best "Jumps On Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goldfish, #hair on cat, #hairless cat, #dilbert spray

View Transcript

Transcript

"Thanks for inviting me over, Dogbert. We little hairless cats are usually shunned." "FSSSS" "I would have bet anything that that wouldn't work." "Hair!!" "Now the goldfish."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #difference, #entire day, #hamster on wheel, #new assignements, #finish work, #explaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I spent the entire day getting new assignments which left no time to actually work on anything. Dilbert: Tomorrow I'll spend the entire day explaining why I didn't finish yesterdays work. Sometimes I don't know the difference between me and hamster on a wheel. Dogbert: Hamsters dont depress me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #never managed, #marketing people, #do marketing things, #segments, #focus groups, #segmenting, #dominate industry, #motivated

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #client server, #project, #reasoning, #six minutes, #time line, #world wide operations, #understand

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #actually a woman, #claim, #crying game, #dress code, #dress like a man, #the boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk dressed in a shirt, tie and pants. She says to the Boss, "I'm dressing like a man to protest the company's dress code." The Boss asks, "So, what you're saying is that you're actually a woman. Is that your claim?" Alice says, "That's not exactly the point." The Boss says, "I saw 'The Crying Game.' Don't do anything that would make me heave."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #new org chart, #so close, #too bad, #play before firing, #downsized

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert stands on a cubicle wall waving a document. Catbert says to Alice, "Here's the new org chart. Maybe you're on it and maybe not." Alice jumps up and tries to reach the sheet as Catbert holds it out of reach. Catbert taunts, "Ooh! Nice try! So close. Too bad." Catbert ties the chart to a string and dangles it into the cubicles. Wally and Alice lunge for it. Catbert says, "It's fun to play with them before downsizing them."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reprogrammed dna, #marketing guys, #heavens sake, #thank you, #power of suggestion

View Transcript

Transcript

As they walk down a corridor, Alice says to Dilbert, "Maybe you shouldn't have told Stan you programmed his DNA through the LAN." Alice continues, "Those marketing guys believe anything. They even believe market research, for heaven's sake." As Stan approaches, Alice says, "There's no telling what the power of suggestion might do." Stan, whose facial features now resemble those of a weasel, says to Dilbert, "Well, thank you very much."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #network connection, #technology have not, #global economy, #french fry, #electronic mail, #snork

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Wally asks, "Alice, did you hear that Dilbert's network connection isn't working?" Alice says, "Uh-oh." Wally continues, "He is what we call a technology 'have not.' His competitiveness in the global economy will last as long as this french fry." Alice says, "So sad." As Wally gulps the french fry, Alice says to Dilbert, "After lunch, I'm going to use something called 'electronic mail.' You can watch if you promise not to touch anything." Dilbert looks angry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #prudish, #stupid, #hairball, #wimp, #class, #blessing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit on the couch. The woman asks, "Would you like to hold hands?" Dilbert replies, "We'd better not . . . My dog is around here someplace." The woman asks, "What's your dog got to do with anything?" Dilbert replies, "He's a bit prudish. He won't allow it in his house." The woman replies, "HIS house? Ha ha ha! He's YOUR dog! YOU're the master!" The woman continues laughing and says, "Your dog is just a stupid hairball! And you must be a first-class wimp!" She laughs. Dogbert pulls a hose through the window and stands next to the couch holding the nozzle. Dilbert says to him, "With my blessings."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #dead, #targets, #power-hungry, #managers, #career, #shooting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Boss, I have an idea." The Boss gasps. The Boss jumps up and says, "Quick! Close the blinds! I'll get the door!" The Boss shouts, "You fool! If anybody heard you, we're both dead!" The Boss continues, "Don't you realize that ideas are just targets for other power-hungry managers?!!" The Boss continues, "I've based my entire career on shooting down other people's ideas." A brick crashes through the window. Dilbert picks it up and says, "The note says, 'We know you have an idea in there. Give it up.'" Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dogbert asks, "How was work?" Dilbert replies, "Same ol' same ol'."