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CEO: We've decided to write off 47 billion dollars in bad loans. You might think this is my fault, but in actuality it is all caused by poor regulatory oversight. Who is in favor of those guys taking a big pay cut? Anyone?"
Dilbert says, "My moral compass has healed. Can I keep my new job in management?" Dilbert says, "I'd like to use my position of power to narrow the gap between executive and worker pay."
Dilbert's Mom says, "I seem to have left my purse at home. I won't be able to pay you." A fortune teller says, "I put the curse of competence on your firstborn son!" Dilbert's Mom says, "That doesn't sound so bad." Years Later A man says, "I need a little help." Dilbert says, "GAAA! Why always me?!"
Dilbert says, "Our graphics department is too busy to help me and won't approve outside services." Dilbert says, "They're forcing me to fail so they can justify a bigger budget next year." Dilbert says, "If you need me, I'll be in my cubicle trying to imagine what futility doesn't feel like."
Dilbert says, "Did you review the document I emailed?" Coworker says, "I don't read attachments." Coworker says, "Attachments say you don't care enough about my time to summarize a document." Dilbert says, "I brought my pay stub to prove that my time is worth more than yours." Coworker says, "Well-played."
Dilbert says, "Amber, I'll pay you $500 a month to pretend to be my friend on Facebook." Dilbert says, "All you need to do is leave me a public message every once in a while." Amber says, "That would make me a?" Dilbert says, "Frienditute. But it's better if we don't name it."
Asok the intern says, "Pssst! I'm doing black market I.T. support to make up for my recent cut in pay." Man says, "Isn't this illegal?" Asok the intern, "Not according to my black market company lawyer." Alice says, "So it's legal to punch vendors?" Dogbert says, "Sure, if they deserve it." Dogbert says, "That's $100, please."
Catbert says, "Asok, we need to cut your pay again. But maybe you could get a second job." Asok the intern says, "Second???" Asok the intern says, "I am already doing freelance I.T. support?and donating blood?and working as a male escort." Catbert says, "I don't need the details." Asok the intern says, "Running guns...Robbing graves...Starting a hedge fund..."`
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I can't tell if my pay is excessive enough." Dogbert says, "So I created a lab to test the reaction of hobos to my different pay scenarios." Wally says, "It's your turn to find the next hobo."
The Boss says, "Tina, I just learned that your pay is 20% below the industry average for your job." The Boss says, "I will correct this injustice, no matter what it takes!" Tine says, "You would do that for me?" The Boss says, "You have my word that I will lower the industry average!"