Keep Things Light Comic Strips - Page 9

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819 Results for Keep Things Light

View 81 - 90 results for keep things light comic strips. Discover the best "Keep Things Light" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #couldn't say no, #customized, #our needs assembled and insalled, #preloathing, #promises you won't keep

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The vendor who couldn't say no, DIlbertL I need fifteen units bu tuesday. You got it, Dilbert: I want them customized for our needs assembled and installed by wednesday. You got it! Dilbert: Im loathing yo in advance for making promises you won't keep, Pre loathing I get that a lot,\.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #things that don't kill, #great minds, #think alike, #spilt milk, #different findings

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Wally: "Have you ever noticed that the things that don't kill you make you weaker?" "And great minds don't think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions." "I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #shoddy mistakes, #meeting, #avoid mistakes, #documented process, #keep hearing, #business

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The Boss: "In order to avoid shoddy mistakes, everything we do from now on will be part of a documented process." Wally: "What documented process did you use to decide what documented process to use?" wally: "Or is this one of those shoddy mistakes I keep hearing about?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2005's comic on:


Tags #keep spitting, #disagree, #people, #happy, #crazy one, #men communication

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Dilbert: Do you think it's fair that you keep spitting on me just because you disagree with what I say? Girl: why am I the one who always has to change o make there people happy? Dilbert: Because you're the crazy one. girl: Now you're all quiet, why can't men learn to communicate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2005's comic on:


Tags #elbonia bid, #nuclear war head, #plans, #internet, #few things modified, #ginat toaster, #enriched bread, #technology

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"We won the Elbonia bid, but I had to promise we'd give them plans to build a nuclear warhead." "Don't worry. I got the plans off the Internet and I modified a few things." "Now all we need is some highly enriched bread."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2005's comic on:


Tags #comapny, #sells defective prodcuts, #karma, #bed doodle, #wandered, #bad things, #they deserve it

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Dilbert: "Sometimes I feel guilty because my company sells defective products." DOgbert: "I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and I assume they deserve it." Dilbert: "By the way, where are we?" Dogbert: "I think we wandered into a bad doodle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 2005's comic on:


Tags #intermediate species, #hominid, #oyster, #light sensitive blob, #serious pearl

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"Your resume says you're some kind of intermediary species." "That's right." "I'm halfway between hominid and oyster. Someday I hope my light-sensitive blob will become an eye!" "I don't think we can use you." "Oh, man, you're giving me a serious pearl."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2007's comic on:


Tags #career counselor, #no marketable talent, #keep positive, #not going to change, #unemployable

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Dogbert, career counselor DOgbert: "You have no marketable talent." "You're totally unemployable and that's not going to change." "The important thing is to keep a positive attitude."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #candidate for engineering, #resume, #invented e-commerce, #hire now, #team that invented, #teach paul, #to invent things

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Help me interview a candidate for engineering." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I think he's terrific!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Uh-oh." During the interview, Dilbert says to the candidate, "According to your resume, Paul, you invented e-commerce." The Boss says, "Wow!" The Boss then exclaims, "I'm going to hire him right now!" Dilbert replies, "Hold on." Dilbert says to Paul, "Paul, you didn't really invent e-commerce, did you?" Paul ansers, "Well..." Paul continues, "Maybe I was...um...part of the team that invented it." Dilbert, now agitated, yells "No one invented e-commerce!" The Boss, completely oblivious to all that 's been said asks Paul, "When can you start?" Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why am I here?" The Boss responds, "Maybe Paul can teach you how to invent things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #eliminate dept, #what do we do, #explain things, #morons

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The boss: Our CEO wants to eliminate our department because he doesn't know what we do. "I need someone to tell me what we do so I can tell him." Dilbert: "We explain things to morons." The Boss: "Should I be writing this down?"