Knowledge Assets Comic Strips - Page 9
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The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."
Interview question Boss: How would you diagnose a buffer overflow problem? Interviewee: I'd put the circuit board in a bucket of water and look for air bubbles. Boss: That sounds right. Interviewee: I just diagnosed a problem with your interview question.
Wally: I like to have opinions. But not informed opinions. It takes so much work to get informed that it defeats the whole point of having an opinion in the first place. Dilbert: What exactly do you think is the "point" of having an opinion? Wally: The point is that it feels good. Dilbert: That's totally nuts. Wally: Oh, is it? Unless you have hard data to back up that comment, it was nothing but an uninformed opinion. That felt good. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! You're starting to make sense! Wally: Your whole life is a lie.
The Ugly Truth Visits Man: Your employees hate your carb-fattened guts. They hope you get run over by a clown car because it will make your demise extra funny. Boss: I hear mumbling but no on is there! Man: It's weird for me too.
Boss: A study says that 74% of managers think they are above average. That means that 36% of managers aren't aware that they are above average too. Dilbert: The way I look at it, you're all in the top 110%. Boss: Exactly. Thank you.
CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.
Boss: Today I learned that the secret of good managing is hiring people who are smarter than I am. Maybe I'll try that next time.
CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.
Boss: The new software will interrupt you every five minutes so you don't get carpal tunnel. Dilbert: Aren't you worried the software will replace you? hee-hee! Boss: I don't get that. Dilbert: That's why it's funny.
CEO: The CEO of Apple says a leader should admit when he's wrong. That won't work for me because I'm never wrong. The best I can do is admit when other people are wrong. Boss: That sort of misses the point. CEO: Well, I humbly admit you're wrong.