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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #annoyance, #status upadte, #multitask, #one task, #doubling rate of failure, #useless blob of carbon

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Alice: Seriously? You're going to do email while I give my status update? Boss: Don't worry. I can multitask. Alice: Multitask? you can barely do one task properly. All you're doing is doubling your rate of failure. Congratulations on becoming the most useless blob of carbon in the universe. Boss: What? Sorry. I missed that. Alice: I said my project is on schedule. Boss: Okay. Great. Alice: This totally works for me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #scientific equipment, #data center, #lights out, #eliminate problems, #moving cables, #power cords, #ruining everything, #speakerphone, #humans are germs, #science

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Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #conversation, #get mad, #point out dumb, #helpful, #doctor, #Dogbert, #medical

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Dilbert: I wonder why people get mad when I point out how dumb they are. I'm just trying to be helpful. I don't want people going through life not knowing what the problem is. I'm kind of like a doctor. Dogbert: I stopped listening back at the house.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #keep brain out, #laziness, #long and complicated, #technical recommendation, #thinking, #make decision

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Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #burned out, #gray hair, #don't handle stress

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Man: I'm burned out by this job. Is that a gray hair? Dilbert: Have we met? Man: I started yesterday. I don't handle stress well.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #despair, #meetings, #six variables, #4 imbeciles, #brilliant engineer, #complexity algorithm, #rational deciosn, #brilliant career

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Dilbert: Okay, this next decision involves six variables, four imbeciles, and one brilliant engineer. According to the Dogbert complexity algorithm, it is impossible to make a rational decision in this situation. All in favor of giving up? Boss: I found out I'm a brilliant engineer.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2011's comic on:


Tags #debates, #discussion, #researching every state, #engineer, #solemn duty, #stamp out ignorance, #real thing, #googled it, #engineering

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Woman: Please stop researching every statement I make. Dilbert: I can't. As an engineer, it is my solemn duty to stamp out ignorance. Woman: That's not a real thing. Dilbert: See for yourself. I just Googled it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #monsters, #supernatural beings, #beware of bogeyman, #bad parenting, #one over par, #everyhole

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Asok: My mother always told me to beware the bogeyman. Dilbert: That was bad parenting. There's no such thing as the bogeyman. Boss: I was one over par on every hole. Let me tell you all about it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #ignorance (knowledge), #fire wally, #can't risk, #zeberpupin system, #only one, #program, #business

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Boss: I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin System. Catbert: Are you sure that's true? Boss: It must be. No one else has even heard of it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #service business, #unmotivated sales guy, #slides are blank, #compelling reason, #no commission work, #budget issues

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Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?