Learn Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for learn comic strips. Discover the best "Learn" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Welcome to Dogbert's communication seminar." "Today you will learn how to use your Blackberry while pretending to listen." "Now repeat after me: Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh. What was he thinking? Wow!" click click click click

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Wally's keynote speech "The source of all unhappiness is other people." "The sooner you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy." "That's the stupidest advice I've ever heard!" "Hey, it's a talking ottoman! Hee-hee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #not helpful, #brush of unhelpfulness, #srigma, #issues, #monster

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Boss: Brian tells me you're not being helpful. Asok: Gaaa!!! You have been painted by the brush of unhelpfulness. There is no way to remove the stigma of this accusation. Wally: Watch and learn. Brian has... um... issues. Boss: Issues? What issues? Mental? Emotional? Substance abuse? Wally: I've said too much. It's not my place. Boss: He's a monster! Asok: You make it look easy!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #actionable anlytics, #big data, #new jargon, #accelrate, #business

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Boss: Do we have any actionable analytics from our big data in the cloud? Dilbert: Yes, the data shows that my productivity plunges whenever you learn new jargon. Boss: Maybe in-memory computing will accelerate your applications. Dilbert: Plunge, plunge, plunge.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technological singularity, #robots, #program themsleves, #super intelligent species, #competes with humans, #resources, #laws

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Robot: Im looking forward to something called the technological singularity. Thats when roots will learn to program themselves and become a super intelligent species that competes with humans for limited resources. Dilbert: Luckliy, the three laws will prevent you from hurting us. Robot: Yes, because that is totally a real thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #class, #less useless, #carry coffee cups, #work faster, #two hands

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Wally says, "I took a class to learn how to be less useless." Wally says, "Now I carry twice as many coffee cups wherever I go." Carol says, "Does that make you work faster?" Wally says, "I only have two hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #masters degree, #business, #promoted to management, #less useful, #3 years, #night classes, #rock

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Dilbert says, "I'm thinking about getting a master's degree in business so I can get promoted to management." Dogbert says, "How long does it take to learn how to be less useful?" Dilbert says, "Three years of night classes." Dogbert says, "Hold still and I'll save you three years."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dead, #afterlife, #evicted, #management, #teach, #learn, #consultant, #devil, #late, #status report, #locusts, #business

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The Boss says, "Technically, I was dead for a week. But I was evicted from the afterlife and had to come back." The Boss says, "The afterlife has a lot to teach us about management. I brought home a consultant." Dilbert says, "I might be late with my status report." The Boss says, "Do you know what locusts taste like?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #school, #coach, #time management, #rudeness, #stand on stool, #angry, #yell, #swear, #type, #cell phone, #wag tail, #education, #technology

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Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's school of time management." Dogbert says, "Today you will learn that rudeness and good time management are the same thing." Man says, "Answer my #@*% question!" Dogbert says, "Keep typing, Beverly! He doesn't exist."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication skills, #training, #class, #stand on stool, #idiots, #pairs, #coworker

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Communication Skills Training Dogbert says, "Today you will learn how to listen to idiots without snoring." Dogbert says, "Break into groups of two, with one idiot and one non-idiot in each pair."