Local And Global Issues Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

104 Results for Local And Global Issues

View 81 - 90 results for local and global issues comic strips. Discover the best "Local And Global Issues" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #honesty, #fester, #hatred, #pale doughy body, #tree of knowledge, #falls on head, #die ironically

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Carol, if you have any issues, just be honest. Don't let anything fester. Carol: I hate every subatomic particle in your pale, doughy body. I hope the tree of knowledge falls on your head so you die ironically. Boss: I need to rethink my no-festering rule. Carol: Tree of knowledge... get it?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #blather, #died inprocess, #grossly overpaid, #thwarted takeover

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I thwarted the hostile takeover bid, but your CEO died in the process. Dogbert: I'll find you someone else to blather about quality while being grossly overpaid. Dogbert: I like your look, but can you blather?" Man: Quality is my global added value!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #not attracted, #long enough, #fix things, #tech support, #use abilities, #no action

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I'm not attracted to you, but I'd like to date you for one month. That should be long enough to resolve any tech support issues on my home computer, cell phone and home theater." Dilbert: Would there be any kissing? Tina: What kind of girl do you think I am?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #meeting with boss, #vendors, #customers, #please kill me

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, you never mentioned any issues this quarter, so I assume you didn't do any work." A man says, "Ooooh, lordy lord! Our vendors are incompetent and our customers are suing us!!!" The Boss says, "Why can't you be more like that guy?" A man says, "Someone please kill me!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2009's comic on:


Tags #talking, #retirement, #planning, #drinking, #coffee, #pessimistic

View Transcript

Transcript

Retirement planning in a bad economy Wally says, "Retirement planning is all about timing." Wally says, "I'm planning to die from global warming on the same day I run out of money." Wally says, "That's one more advantage of being frail. I figure an hour without sunscreen ought to do the trick."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #environmental issues, #managers & supervisors, #government nagging, #rid of waste, #motivational paper weight, #nice going, #avoid licking, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "The government is nagging us to get rid of our dangerous radioactive waste." The Boss says, "On a totally different topic, I'm giving each of you a motivational paperweight that says, 'Nice going.'" The Boss says, "Try to avoid licking them."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #lazy, #specific, #understand, #quibbled about methodology, #bought crickets, #wait for answer, #borrow crisckets

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: Uh-oh. I don't understand a word of this. What did other people say about it? Dilbert: A few people quibbles about the methodology. The boss: Right, well, yes, the methodology does have a few issues. Dilbert: Can you be more specific? I brought some crickets to keep me company while I wait for your answer. chirp chirp chirp chirp Alice: I'm up next. Can I borrow the crickets? Dilbert: They're a little tired.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #worried, #scared, #stupidity, #shaking, #cruel, #economy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I'm worried that I won't get a raise this year." The boss says, "You shouldn't worry about that." The boss says, "You should worry that you might lose your job in the next round of layoffs." Dilbert says, "I should worry about that???" The boss says, "Well...probably not." The boss says, "It makes more sense to worry about the entire company going out of business." The boss says, "And that's nothing if the global economy collapses." The boss says, "Maybe you should worry that the only viable livelihood of the future invokes cannibalism." Dogbert says, "Are you still worried about not getting a raise?" Dilbert says, "Not so much."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2007's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business, #cars, #news, #sales, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're going to take a page from the automaker's playbooks. Automakers prove their design skills by creating concept cars that will never go into production. Then they prove their management skills by producing cars that are less attractive than corrective underpants. Tomorrow we're holding a press conference to show the world our own concept product. Our concept product can stop global warming and wax your back at the same time. Man: Can it actually do those things? Boss: Why do you care? Man: So...actually it's just a huge waste of our time. Boss: You have a mighty low opinion of news.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #embarras myself, #emotional meltdown, #panicked, #public speaking, #substance abuse, #worry

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.