Never Leave Office Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dogbert sits at a desk in front a window thinking, "I've shouted my way into a job and a corner office. Now I need an empire." Dogbert says as he types, "I'll start a task force around some hot buzzwords. Later I'll convert the people into my own division." Dilbert says to Wally, "Hey, there's a 'Palmtop Personal Multimedia' task force being formed!" Wally replies, "That one's gonna fill up quick."
Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"
Dilbert: Is Bob in his office? Carol: Since Bob's office is all of twenty feet away, I'll have to use my psychic powers to determine the answer. Dilbert: I could go look. Carol: Bob hates you, He secretly wishes you'd choke on a donut.
"I joined the city soccer league." "I've never played, but as an engineer I have a natural instinct for ball trajectory and passing angles." "Where does the team play?" "Coach doesn't want to ruin my concentration by telling me."
The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."
"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We know our products are killing people, but we're claiming the studies are flawed." "We're planning to focus our advertising on the youth markets in poor urban areas." "So, given all that, is it okay for me to steal office supplies?" "I'd have to say yes."
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Since implementing our 'paperless office' concept, we've saved . . ." The Boss looks at a figure written on the back of his hand and says, "Uh . . . ten percent!" Wally looks at his arm and says, "Next on the agenda: the restroom situation . . ."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I'm promoting you to team leader." Dilbert asks, "Do I get a raise?" The Boss replies, "There's no extra money, just extra responsibility. It's how we recognize our best people." Dilbert says, "I thought all the good people leave for better companies." The Boss walks away saying, "That's another way to recognize them."
The caption, an entry from Dilbert's daily log, reads, "Day three of telecommuting: I spend the morning throwing my pen in the air." Dilbert sits at his desk at home dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He tosses a pen into the air. The pen falls and hits Dilbert in the head, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the chair. The caption reads, "The afternoon is spent in silent appreciation of how much better this is than being in the office." Dilbert lies on the floor with his feet on the desk chair and thinks, "Ahh."
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice walks over and says, "Why is it that I never have time to eat but you MEN are in here every day at 11:35?" Wally replies, "Because the hours we spent upgrading our PCs have finally paid off by greatly improving our efficiency." After Alice has left the table, Dilbert says to Wally, "I thought it was because we get hungry at 11:30?" Wally replies, "We can't reveal all our secrets."