Number Accurate Comic Strips - Page 9
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154 Results for Number Accurate
View 81 - 90 results for number accurate comic strips. Discover the best "Number Accurate" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday February 18,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #the boss, #good, #bad, #news, #companies, #compete, #small, #nimble, #rate, #smallest, #company
Transcript
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've got good news and bad news." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that huge companies like us can't compete against small, nimble companies. The good news is that at this rate WE'LL be the smallest company around." Dilbert, Alice and Ted shout, "We're number one! Yes!!" The Boss thinks, "What am I doing wrong here?"
Tuesday September 03,
1996
Tags #network administartor, #my card, #email, #wag tail, #pager numeber, #tilde
Transcript
Dogbert stands on the chair armrest and tells Dilbert, "I got hired as the network administrator for your company." Dogbert says, "Here's my card. You can only reach me by e-mail or by pager." Dogbert continues, "When the network breaks, no e-mail. I'll just sit around and wag my tail." Dilbert looks at the business card and says, "Your pager number has a tilde . . . How do I dial a tilde?"
Monday December 02,
1996
Tags #metric, #project, #growth rate, #time zone, #favorable, #working smater, #not harder, #new paradignm
Transcript
Wally, Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally points to a diagram and says, "This metric shows an excellent trend in the number of days since the beginning of my project." Wally continues, "That growth rate compares favorably with the best companies in our time zone." As they walk away, Wally tells Dilbert, "I'm working smarter, not harder." Dilbert says, "It's a whole new paradigm."
Monday December 23,
1996
Tags #direct flight, #aisle seat, #upgrade, #first class, #overhead bin, #north korea, #non smoking, #anti aircraft fire
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I'd like a direct flight . . . Aisle seat . . . And an upgrade to first class if possible." The airline ticket agent replies, "The best I can do is to put you in an overhead luggage bin . . . With one stop in North Korea." Dilbert asks, "Is it non-smoking?" The ticket salesperson replies, "That depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is."
Monday March 24,
1997
Tags #spelled wrong, #technical recommendation, #boss doubts dilbert, #obver shoulder, #computer, #technology
Transcript
The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I studied your technical recommendation and decided it's impossible." Dilbert replies, "I already did it." The Boss says, "It will never work." Dilbert replies, "It's working perfectly." The Boss points to the document and says, "You spelled this word wrong." Dilbert says, "That's a number."
Monday May 19,
1997
Tags #chair the fun commitee, #improve morale, #internet, #personal reasons, #technology
Transcript
The Boss stands behind Wally's desk and says, "Wally, two things . . ." The Boss says, "Number one, I want you to chair the 'fun committee' to improve employee morale." The Boss says, "Two, according to this report, you've been using the Internet for personal reasons."
Monday June 30,
1997
Tags #need to know, #basis, #complete list, #run for it, #volcano erupting
Transcript
Dilbert sits on the couch surrounded by pillows drinking from a can. Dogbert stands on the arm of the couch and says, "I'm putting you on a 'need to know' basis." Dogbert holds out a piece of paper and says "Here's a complete list of things I need to know. if it's not on the list, I probably don't need to hear it." Dilbert reads from the list, "Number One: 'Run for it Dogbert! The volcano is erupting!'" Dogbert says, "Plurals will also be allowed."
Friday July 04,
1997
Tags #Dogbert, #lord, #master, #worthless cretin, #telemarketing, #voice mail
Transcript
Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."
Saturday November 08,
1997
Tags #cluelessness, #indecisiveness, #micromange, #over analysis, #risks, #risk analysis
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We'll need a risk analysis on this project before I can approve it." He hands Dilbert some papers. Dilbert types on his computer: Risk 1 Indecisiveness, Risk 2 Overanalysis, Risk 3: Cluelessness, Rik 4: Micromanagement... The Boss says, "I don't understand these risks,." Dilbert says, "That's number thirty-six."
Thursday February 19,
1998
Tags #loans, #funding, #scam artist, #dogbert on tv, #people believe
Transcript
Dilbert is at home watching television. Dogbert's infomercial is on tv. Dogbert sits at a desk and says, "Would you like to make $1,000 per month for a whole year?" Dogbert says, "Send $13,000 for complete information about Dogbert no-load funds." An individual is furiously writing the information down as Dobert says, "I'll include my free pamphlet explaining how to lose weight by eating less food." The guy thinks, "Show the number."