Once A Month Comic Strips - Page 9
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Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert asks, "Is it possible that you're prejudiced against rats because you once had a bad experience with a rat?" Dilbert asks, "Just out of curiosity, what would be a GOOD experience with a rat?" Ratbert puts his hands on his hips and says, "I believe I've been insulted!" Dilbert says, "That was kind of a good experience."
A school teacher says to a classroom of children, "Dilbert has agreed to talk to the class about exciting careers in the field of engineering!" Dilbert says to the students, "There's more to being an engineer than just writing technical memos that nobody reads." Dilbert continues, "Once in a while, somebody reads one. Then you have to find a scapegoat, or use some vacation time and hope it all blows over."
The Boss says to an employee, "Your new project will have no budget and no management support. Expect to spend most of your time giving status reports." The man's head disappears and he thinks, "Oh no! The life force has been drained out of me! I'm becoming a damp rag!!!" Dilbert looks at the floor and says, "That's amazing." The Boss replies, "It's nothing. I did eighteen at once at the employee empowerment brunch."
The caption says, "Dogbert meets the company president." Dogbert sits across from the president's desk. The president says to Dogbert, "You've made quite a name for yourself in the week you've worked here." Dogbert replies, "It was easy to grab power, once I realized the other executives were just imbeciles with good hair." The president says, "I hope you don't think that of ME." Dogbert replies, "No, that looks like a toupee from here."
"You've got to delay the beta trial with customers until we figure out why it keeps exploding!" "You engineers are such pessimists. Just once, try to focus on the positive aspects of the trial!" "We won't need to hassle with 'non-disclosure agreements'."
Dogbert: I recently received this angry letter from a mister 'Dork'. Mr. Dork informs me that the many people surnamed Dork are not amused that I once used the word "Dorkage" He demands an apology. I apologize to all the dorks who were offended. I hope we can put this behind us.
Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."
Ratbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I didn't get the job in marketing. They say I have no experience." Dogbert responds, "Try inviting yourself to meetings. Nobody ever says no, and they're too timid to kick you out once you sit down." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert stands on the table next to a box of donuts and says, "Does anybody want to split a donut? I'll just take half and leave the rest."
A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Reliable sources say your project will be canceled, Dilbert." The co-worker continues, "You should abandon it now and come work on MY project. When my big promotion goes through next month, I'll transfer you to my group and give you a raise." Dilbert says, "That's very tempting except for the fact you're a pathological liar." The co-worker waves his hands and says, "Be careful what you say - I have super powers."
Dilbert sees Wally wearing a hat with a triangular flag or pennant attached. Dilbert asks, "What's the hat for, Wally?" Wally answers, "It's a new safety rule. I think it's stupid." Wally says, "The e-mail from human resources said all short employees must wear these to improve visibility while in the cubicle aisles." Dilbert peers into Alice's cubicle. He says to her, "HR should change their password once in a while." Alice says, "I'll bet we can make him wear aluminum foil pants."