Ouija Board Comic Strips - Page 9
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92 Results for Ouija Board
View 81 - 90 results for ouija board comic strips. Discover the best "Ouija Board" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 10,
2014
Tags #managers & supervisors, #temporary ceo, #c level suite, #employee realtions, #boss, #cubicle, #insulting, #receptionist, #business
Transcript
Boss: The board named me temporary CEO. And guess who is coming with me to the C-level suite! Carol: It's me! Boss: No. And you're also a terrible guesser.
Tuesday July 29,
2014
Tags #avarice, #business ethics, #stock market, #stock split, #dumb stock holders, #fantastic prodcuts, #money
Transcript
CEO: The board has voted to do a stock split. It came down to a choice between creating fantastic products or attracting dumber stockholders. One of those two things is easy.
Tuesday January 20,
2015
Ceo Succession Plan
Tags #inheritance & succession, #insulting, #strategy, #loser, #incompetent, #honor, #be considered
Transcript
CEO: The board is getting on me for not having a succession plan. Find me a loser who is so incompetent that the board won't want to fire me. Boss: It's an honor to even be considered! Catbert: I was going to say that!
Sunday July 19,
2015
Tags #public speaking, #presentation, #question, #questions, #stupid, #idiot, #idiots, #criticism, #critic
Transcript
Boss: I need you to critique my presentation for the board. And don't hold back to spare my feelings. Dilbert: That probably won't be an issue. Alice: We got this. Boss: My product idea has three components. Alice: How do you know another company isn't secretly preparing to launch the same product? Boss: What kind of stupid question is that? Alice: It's the same question you asked me yesterday about my product idea. Boss: The board won't ask that. Alice: Don't be so sure. I hear they're idiots.
Monday October 10,
2016
Gawful Media Company
Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #morals, #executives, #decision, #information
Transcript
CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.
Tuesday October 11,
2016
Accidentally Buying A Tainted Company
Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #reputation, #infamy
Transcript
CEO: I accidentally talked the board into buying a company that has a tainted reputation. Catbert: How bad is the taint? CEO: Imagine Hitler's unwashed socks. Catbert: That isn't so bad. CEO: I'm just getting started. Now imagine I make you eat those socks...
Monday December 12,
2016
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real
Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions
Transcript
CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.
Wednesday March 22,
2017
Wally's Invention Goes Into Production
Tags #invention, #success, #laziness, #fairness, #unfair
Transcript
Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.
Wednesday November 29,
2017
Worthless Financial Projections
Tags #money, #finances, #big business, #projection, #prediction, #guessing, #estimate
Transcript
Dilbert: Here's the financial projection you asked me to do. It's basically just guessing plus math. Obviously, it's useless for making decisions because I can get any result I want by tweaking the assumptions. Boss: Don't say any of that stuff when you present it to the board tomorrow.
Thursday November 30,
2017
If We Are Off By One Percent
Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness
Transcript
Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!