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The grim reaper prods Dilbert forward with his staff. The grim reaper says, "I was a grim reaper until I started taking antidepressants." The walk towards a cave labeled, "Death." The grim reaper continues, "I still reap, because I like the work. But I'm not grim." Dilbert asks, "Am I dead?" The grim reaper responds, "No, I'm over my limit today, so I'm doing catch-and-release."
Dilbert, Alice, and Asok are sitting in a row. One side of Alice's hair is completely flat. She looks over to Asok and says, "Quit staring. I overslept and now I have a bad case of bed hair." Asok responds, "I'm confused. Surely it would have gone back to normal after your shower." Alice makes a fist and rolls up her sleeve. Dilbert runs away. Asok exclaims in fear, "Please do not unleash the unhygienic fist of death!"
Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."
Wally approaches Alice and says, "I've been asked to collect inspirational quotes for the lobby wall." Alice responds, "Get out of my cubicle, you freakish waste of carbon." Wally writes down Alice's quote as he walks away and thinks, "That'll look good over the elevators."
Catbert and The Boss are meeting. Catbert says, "Let's offer employees unpaid vacation time, as long as their managers approve it." Catbert continues, "Then we'll downsize any work group that uses it, because it proves they're over-staffed." Catbert hugs himself and says, "Excuse me while I hug myself and purr." The Boss replies, "Take your time."
Concierge: "Welcome to the Metrogarden hotel! How may I make your stay incredible?" "I would be delighted to iron your socks, examine you for suspicious moles or take a second job and give you my pay." Dilbert: "I think they over-trained you." "I'm shaved and preped to donate a kidney."
The Boss: "My new home theater is amazing." "It's got a dvd, hd, dvr, fm, satellite dish, mp3, widescreen tv, seven speakers and a universal remote." "It's fun to invite people over so they can show me how to turn it on."
The real estate agent DOgbert: Initial every page of this steaming mound of documents. Dilbert: This says that if I insist on overpricing my house then my agent can run over me with an SUV and... sell my clothes to a scarecrow manufacturer. Dogbert: its rarely enforced.
The boss: I have a plan to avoid paying division performance bonuses. I'll merge our group with the worst division so our average performance is lower. her- hee! I should be eay because every division manager is already begging to merge with me.
Dilbert peeks into a women's cube. Dilbert says, "Can I ask you a question?" She says, "I doubt it." She says, "Oh, sure it'll start as an innocent work-realted question." She says, "Then you'll try to impress me with your knowledge of engineering..." She says, "... in the pathetic hope that I value intelligence over physical appearance." She stands up and says, "Well, I don't!! I only care about looks!" Dilbert says, "Do you drive a red BMW? The lights are on." Dilbert sits in a robe on the couch. Dogbert says, "And you still tried to ask her out?" Dilbert says, "She's hard to read."