Search Results for "project meeting"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2011's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #phone heard, #phone scheduled meeting, #schedule a meeting., #secretaries (office), #digital world, #replaces humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Schedule a meeting with Dilbert and Alice for next Tuesday at ten. Phone: Done. Boss: Never mind. My phone took care of it. Awkward.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #christmas presents, #embarrassment, #merry christmas, #network design meeting, #brand of makeup, #hid, #loobby, #elevator, #closet for months, #creepiness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Merry Christmas, Sarah. This is for you. Woman: Have you met? Dilbert: We attended the same network design meeting last April. I overheard you telling someone in the hallway that you like a specific brand of makeup. So I bought a box of it and kept it in the closet for months. I came to work early today and hid behind the sculpture in the lobby until I saw you heading to the elevator. Alice: I didn't know you could gift wrap creepiness. Sorry. Just act like I'm not here.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #thinking, #new information, #project scope, #anticipate, #think

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Based on this new information, you'll want to change our project scope. Boss: I don't do that. Dilbert: What? Think? Today I learned it's better if I don't try to guess what people mean.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #language, #thinking, #project management, #life cycle, #abtraction, #weightless, #management process

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The project management framework embodies a project life cycle and five major project management process groups. Dilbert: Oh no! The extreme level of abstraction has made us weightless! Ted: That doesn't even make sense.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #appearences, #big cubicle, #loose weight, #project leader, #status system, #toilet paper holder, #wider cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #criticize, #enjoy anticipation, #fighting, #incented, #staff meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm waiting for people to walk by so I can criticize you in front of others. Dilbert: What? Boss: I want the criticism to sting as much as possible so you'll be incented to do all the right things in the future. I guess it can wait until the staff meeting. Dilbert: That way I can enjoy the anticipation, too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2012's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #late for meeting, #reschedule, #10 minutes, #late

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I'm sorry I'm a few minutes late for our 10:50 meeting. Wally: We'll have to reschedule because I have another meeting at eleven. Tina: Reschedule? I'm only ten minutes late! Wally: Tell that to my 11:10.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hobo outfit, #client meeting, #dress level, #client, #dress casual, #fudge stain

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: What's up with the hobo outfit? Dilbert: I have a client meeting. You should always dress one level up from the client. He dresses casually to flaunt his success, so I'm dressing even more casually. Alice: Wow. You actually don't know which direction is up. Dilbert: This stain is fudge.