carol: did you leave unwashed dishes in the break room?
wally: it wasn't me.
carol:" i got a dna sample off a fork, ran it against public genealogy records and narrowed it down to your family.
carol: how do you explain that?
wally: sounds like i have a child i don't know about.
wally: i was tempted to succeed this week, but i caught myself in time.
wally: success would improve my odds of mating, and i don't think you want more people like me in this world.
the boss: that is officially the best excuse for not working that i have ever heard.
wally: shhh! don't compliment me in public!