Saving Face Comic Strips - Page 9
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Ted: Hey, Alice! Did you hear about my big promotion? Alice: Congratulations, Ted. I'm not jealous at all. Keep up the good work. Sorry about my face. I haven't mastered the art of full-body lying.
Dilbert: I'm worried because I don't seem to have any problems today. Wally: Uh-oh. Dilbert: That either means I'm insane or the universe is saving up something big. Wally: Or both. Dilbert: I feel like a nail waiting to get hammered. Wally: The pre-frontal cortex is overrated.
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.
Wally: Rogue nations are building nuclear weapons. The polar ice caps are melting. Unemployment is high. Entire nations are on the brink of default. You aren't saving enough for retirement. Dilbert: What do you have going here? Wally: He said he doesn't pay attention to news. I wondered why.
Dilbert: Hey, Alice, do you have... Dog: She can't hear you. She's walking and texting. That's it... Easy does it. I'll guide you around this obstacle. Dilbert: What did I just see? Wally: I'm saving up for a service monkey.
Dilbert: I finished the fraudulent analysis you requested to support the decision you already made. It's a total betrayal of shareholders and a slap in the face for anyone who values rational behavior. Boss: Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted. Dilbert: You're welcome.
Dogbert sits on the hassock. He hears, "Boink-ouch! Boink-ouch! Boink-ouch!" Dogbert gets off the hassock and walks toward the noise. Dilbert lies face-down on the floor with juggling pins around him. Dogbert says, "Maybe juggling isn't your sport." Dilbert says, "It's not winning that counts; it's how you play the game."
Dilbert thinks, "I've noticed that all the cool guys use gentle kidding with women. Women must like it." Dilbert walks up behind a woman and says, "Excuse me, miss, does your face hurt? It's killing me!" Dilbert giggles and snorts. Dilbert is stuffed upside down in a garbage can. Dilbert thinks, "The cool guys must hate it when this happens to them."
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become an ambush reporter, like Mike Wallace." Dogbert holds a microphone toward a man carrying a briefcase. Dogbert asks, "Is is true you made all of your money unethically and you're having an affair?" The man covers his face with his hands and cries, "Yes!! Yes!! How did you find me?!" Dogbert replies, "You were chosen randomly."