Share Knowledge Comic Strips - Page 9
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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to help us evolve our products to cloud computing." Dogbert says, "Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud." The Boss says, "It's as if your'e a technologist and a philosopher all in one!" Dogbert says, "blah blah platform."
Alice says, "Scientists say that exercise makes your brain work better." The Boss says, "I haven't exercised since the eighties." The Boss says, "That pretty much debunks science." Alice says, "It had a good run."
Carol: You should build your own helicopter from a kit. I'll send you a link to the website. It's only dangerous for people who are too dumb to know how dumb they are. Boss: Is it as easy as it sounds? I have pliers. Carol: Yes!
Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.
Man: My role is digital media curation. Dilbert: Am I supposed to know what that means? Man: Ha ha! I look down you for not understanding my trendy jargon. Your ignorance is on display for all to see! Leave this meeting now! You are not worthy! Dilbert: Maybe you could just tell us what curation means. Man: Fine. Let's try that. It means um... um... Is it too late for me to overlook your ignorance and move on?
Boss: Stop right there. Don't tell me the technical details of your idea. I make my decisions based on what I know about the people involved. Dilbert: You know less about me than you know about my idea. Boss: Is your idea pale and poorly dressed?
Boss: I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin System. Catbert: Are you sure that's true? Boss: It must be. No one else has even heard of it.
Dilbert: We have a safety problem at our Elbonian factory. We're getting reports of hysterical blindness. They don't what's causing it. Elbonian: I can't see!
Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.