Solutions Not Problems Comic Strips - Page 9

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205 Results for Solutions Not Problems

View 81 - 90 results for solutions not problems comic strips. Discover the best "Solutions Not Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, demand solutions, layer of management, managers & supervisors, solutions not complaints, business

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Boss: Bring me solutions, not complaints. Dilbert: Okay. Let's abolish the layer of management that does nothing but demand solutions. Boss: Now you're just being a jerk. Dilbert: Is that a complaint?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, mental health, vision not money, mental problems, low self esteem, performance review, business

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Boss: We need employees that are motivated by our vision, not by money. Catbert: Are we looking for any other mental problems, or just that one? Boss: I"m also a big fan of low self-esteem. It comes in handy at performance review time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), thinking, objection to plan, potential problems, works fine, system used, non zero chance, get rid of hospitals, idiot, normal life

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Dilbert: Does anyone have an objection to this plan? Coworker: In my opinion, there are too many potential problems. Dilbert: This system has been used for years in other places and works fine. Coworker: There is still a non-zero chance of problems. Dilbert: By that logic, we should get rid of hospitals because sometimes they make mistakes. Coworker: Gaaa!!! I just realized I'm an idiot! Dilbert: You can still lead a normal life. Wally: It only stings for a minute.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, wide transformation, compettetive, solutions, pay the most, consultants, recommendations

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Boss: Our consultant has recommended a company-wide transformation to make us more competitive. Dilbert: Is it a coincidence that consultants always recommend solutions that pay their firms the most? Boss: How would I know? Dogbert: I'll look into that for you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, son to work, Advice, age, idiots, career decisions, expecting, unforeseen problems, business

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Carol: I brought my son to work. Do you have any career advice for him? Dilbert: All boys your age are idiots. If you make any career decisions today, your life will forever be determined by an idiot. Boss: Are we expecting any unforeseen problems today? Dilbert: But you get used to it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, managers & supervisors, morale, robots, problems, lying, spectacular job, award randomly, in charge, robot boss, temporary, employees, oversight, business

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Boss: Did you have any problems filling in for me while I was on vacation? Robot: It was hard at first. I couldn't tell who was lying about doing a spectacular job. Boss: That's why I reward them randomly. Robot: I tried that and it did seem to settle them down.

Root Cause Is People

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Root Cause Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags problems, cause and effect, human error

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Dilbert: I found the root cause of our problems. It's people. They're buggy. Boss: Did you bring a pen?

Anger Issues

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Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger issues, listen to crazy people, mental problems, work weekend, crazy people

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

Everyone Else Is Worthless

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Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, fire, pawn, problems, project, the boss, useless, work

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The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

Health Problems

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Health Problems  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags age, complaining, health, office, office workers

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Alice: Do me a favor and never put me on a project with people over the age of forty. They waste the first fifteen minutes of every meeting talking about their health problems. Boss: Did you say something? I can't hear you over my tinnitus.