Stress Is Gone Comic Strips - Page 9
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Caption: "At the conference" Dilbert gets the cartoonist signing line. He tells cartoonist, "I liked your talk about your comic strip. Do you fell burned out?" Cartoonist hands signed book back to Dilbert who says, "You have to be funny every day. Then there are the books, the media, the speaking. So much stress.." Cartoonist has now run off.. People behind Dilbert are aannoyed. Dilbert says, "Oops."
Wally, The Boss' son, and Dilbert sitting at a table. The Boss' son says, "My dad taught me everything I know." The Boss' son, Dilbert, and Alice sitting at table. The Boss' son continues, "He used to say 'Don't drink the pickle juice until the pickles are gone.'" Wally asks, "Was that a big problem at your house?" The Boss' son answers, "Have you ever been hit in the eye with a pickle?"
Caption: Son-of-a-Boss Dilbert, Wally, and Son-of-a-Boss sitting at table. Son-of-a-Boss says, "My complete lack of knowledge has not gone unnoticed." Son-of-a-Boss continues, "I've been promoted to Vice President of Marketing!" Son-of-a-Boss says, "If you feel the need to buy me a gift, I'd love a piano."
Dilbert arrives at home and says to Dogbert, "You're probably wondering how my day was." Dogbert sits on the couch reading a magazine. Dilbert says, "It was terrible . . . Until I did THIS!" Dilbert holds up a diagram. Dilbert sits down and explains, "It all started when I deluded muself into thinking my opinions mattered." Dilbert continues, "I sprang into action like a cheetah on a trampoline!" Dilbert gets up and demonstrates. Dilbert continues, "I drew lines and boxes and arrows for hours. It was pure adrenaline." Dilbert shouts, "Suddenly, trouble struck! It wouldn't fit on one page!!" Dilbert continues, "So I shrunk everything until it was totally unreadable. And it fit!!" Dilbert concludes, "The moral of the story is that you don't have to feel bad just because you're totally worthless." Dogbert says, "I'd mock you but the challenge is gone."
The Boss sits at his desk and hands a piece of paper to Alice. The Boss says, "Get my approval at each phase. Finish in one month." Alice looks at the paper and says, "Let's see.. You're on vacation next week. Then you're traveling, then there's an executive retreat..." Alice continues while the Boss appears to listen, "It takes three weeks to get on your calendar... and the project has six phases..." Alice says, "What we have here is guaranteed failure." Alice says, "You've left nothing to chance on this one." Alice says, "I mean, normally there's a bit of uncertainty, but you've..oh." Alice says, "You've slipped into the "Boss Zone" where you can't see or hear employee input." The Boss is a zombie and Alice waves her hand in front of his eyes to no effect. The Boss says to Carol, his secretary, "It's weird. I lost ten minutes, and when I woke up, my doughnuts were gone." A doughnut is stuck on each of The Boss's tufts of hair.
The Boss and Bruce walk by a cubicle. The Boss says, "We don't have a cubicle available for you yet, Bruce." The Boss says, "So I'm declaring this part of the carpet to be your office." The Boss says, "If someone goes to a meeting, you can sneak into his cubicle and use the phone." The Boss says, "Our computer budget is gone, but we have an old monitor that you can put on top of your briefcase." Bruce says, "Can I put tape on the carpet to mark my boundary?" The Boss says, "That won't be necessary, thanks to this hi-tech device." Bruce says, "A dog collar?" The Boss puts the collar around Bruce's neck. The Boss says, "It will give a mild shock if you cross your invisible boundary." Alice says, "The new guy hasn't left that spot for a week." Dilbert says, "Wally taught him to beg for food."
Wally comes up behind Dilbert, who is sitting at his desk, and says, "While you toil in utter futility, I'm building my personal 'brand equity.'" Wally continues, "I'm increasing my skills and my contacts every day." Then, as Alice approaches, adds, "My goal is to becomes the 'Kleenex' of engineers!" Alice bumps into Wally, knocking the glasses off his face. She says, "'Scuse me, I have real work to do." Alice brings her hand to her mouth, as she says, "Ooh... sneeze coming." She opens her mouth wide, "Aaaah..." "CHOO!" She sneezes in Dilbert's cubicle and Wally's glasses go flying again. Wally is now gone. Alice and Dilbert remain. Alice tells Dilbert, "I think of Wally as the 'Kleenex' of engineers." Dilbert agrees, "Me too."
Dilbert stands at a pharmacy with two cashiers, each helping a customer. He thinks, "Is this one line, or two?" Dilbert positions himself in the center and thinks, "I'll hedge my bets by standing in the center." A man approaches and Dilbert thinks, "This guy is confused too." The man stands next to Dilbert and Dilbert begins to sweat. He thinks, "Get behind me...get behind me...get behind me...get behind me..." The man smiles and Dilbert thinks "Oh no! He's forming a new line behind the fast cashier! #$@^%#!" The man turns his head and Dilbert jumps in front of him. He thinks, "He's distracted! I take the angle! I win!" The cashier looks at his prescription and says, "Stress medications are the other line."
A man walks up to Dilbert and Wally in the office kitchen. The man says, "My wife had a baby!" Wally says, "I hope it's not a moron." Dilbert says, "Have you looked into foster care?" Dilbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't have gone with our first instinct." Wally says, "We meant well."
The Boss says, off-frame, to Dilbert, "I like your internet business idea. Let's do it." Dilbert, off-frame says to The Boss, "I sent you that idea a year ago. Since then, five companies have gone IPO in that space." The Boss says, "Can we buy one of them?" Dilbert says, "If by 'one' you mean one share of stock, yes."