Take Training Comic Strips - Page 9
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873 Results for Take Training
View 81 - 90 results for take training comic strips. Discover the best "Take Training" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday January 17,
2002
Tags #sales training, #sell anything, #roadkill, #thousand dollars, #class, #got hat, #seminar, #prop
Transcript
Headline: Sales Training. A speaker says, "A trained salesperson can sell anything to anyone." The speaker continues, "I will prove it by selling this roadkill to one of you for a thousand dollars." Dilbert returns home with roadkill on his head. Dogbert asks, "Um.. How was your class?" Dilbert responds, "I got a hat!"
Friday January 18,
2002
Tags #demo, #good sale, #sales training, #see coming, #selling, #sucker, #victim, #wedgie, #gullible
Transcript
Headline: Sales Training. The speaker points to a picture of an overly smiley man. He says, "Don't act like you're selling something." The speaker points to a picture of a man getting a wedgie. He says, "A good sale is like a good wedgie. Your victim shouldn't see it coming." The speaker continues, "For this next demonstration I need a volunteer who can't see what's coming." The man next to Dilbert raises his hand.
Saturday January 19,
2002
Tags #sales training, #sell to customer, #dare to be great, #prove worthiness, #beg
Transcript
Headline: Sales Training. The speaker says, "Never sell to your customer. Make your customer sell to you." The speaker continues, "Our products are only for those who dare to be great! Make the customer explain why he is worthy." Dilbert is meeting with a customer. Dilbert says, "You heard me, Goober. Now beg for our product."
Saturday February 16,
2002
Tags #trip cancelled, #travel budget, #contact centers, #training, #ignorance
Transcript
As Dilbert is walking out of the office, The Boss says to him, "Your trip is canceled." The Boss continues, "We used up the travel budget renaming our call centers to 'contact centers.'" Dilbert responds, "But I need this training." The Boss replies, "Isn't that another way of saying you're ignorant?"
Sunday February 20,
2000
Tags #division, #unusually profictable, #targets impossibly high, #profit target, #sabotage profits, #stop customers, #wasteful spending, #leadership training, #class, #stick out coffee mug
Transcript
Dilbert, the Boss, and Wally are at a meeting. The Boss says: "Our division is unusually profitable this year." He turns to Dilbert: "That means our targets for next year will be set impossibly high." He turns to Wally: "Our only hope of reaching our profit target next year..." He continues: "...is to sabotage profits for the rest of this year." He explains further: "It's too late to stop customers from buying our products." He continues: "So we'll focus on increasing wasteful spending." The Boss puts his hand on Wally's shoulder and tells him: "Wally, I'm sending you to a leadership training class." After the meeting, Wally sticks out his coffee mug and asks Dilbert, "Did you ever stick out your coffee mug and just follow where it took you?"
Monday April 22,
2002
Tags #training budget slashed, #cancel class, #already paid, #appear smart, #while secretly stupid
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "The training budget got slashed. You have to cancel your class." Dilbert responds, "We already paid for the class." The Boss replies, "We'll look bad if you go." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to appear smart while secretly being stupid?" The Boss replies, "You can make anything sound bad."
Thursday May 09,
2002
Tags #training cd, #gone bad, #brainwashing, #cyborg, #brain washed
Transcript
Dilbert, Asok, and Wally are eating lunch. Asok says, "My training CD has gone bad. It is brainwashing me to become a cyborg." Dilbert responds, "Don't worry. Smart people such as you can't be brainwashed to do stupid things." Asok has transformed into half cyborg. He approaches Dilbert and says, "Guess who doesn't know the first thing about brainwashing."
Friday May 10,
2002
Tags #training cd, #brainwashed, #cuborg, #insurance, #cosmetic surgery, #jump off roof, #game system
Transcript
Asok is half cyborg. He sits on the doctor's table and says, "My training CD went bad and brainwashed me to become a cyborg." The doctor responds, "Your insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery but you can game the system by jumping off the roof." Asok is on the roof, standing next to a man with intensely large ears. The man says to Asok, "I hear that the follow-up visits don't get any easier."
Wednesday June 05,
2002
Tags #vacant private offcie, #last one, #ill-will, #coworkers, #diltopia, #take off shoes, #reverence
Transcript
Dilbert is carrying a box. He says to Alice, "I'm moving into a vacant private office. I got the last one." Dilbert continues, "I hope this doesn't cause ill-will in the cubicle-bound co- workers I'm leaving behind." Alice furrows her brow. Dilbert continues, "All I ask is that when you enter Diltopia, you bow in reverence and take off your shoes." Alice clenches her teeth in anger.
Wednesday September 04,
2002
Tags #mouse training, #mandatory, #western grip, #carpal tunnel, #weak muscles, #two handed mouse, #massage, #back
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Tina approaches and says, "I'm signing up people for the mandatory mouse training club." Tina continues, "I see you're using a Western grip. That's just begging for carpal tunnel." Tina grabs Dilbert's wrist and says, "Weak muscles... I'll put you in the two- handed mouse class." Dilbert responds, "Ouch."