Team Members Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for team members comic strips. Discover the best "Team Members" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trigger automatic promotion, #be that employee, #part of team, #not special

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I need to have one more direct report and it will trigger an automatic promotion for me. "Your job is to be that employee." "How's it feel to be part of the team?" "Not as special as I'd hoped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #candidate for engineering, #resume, #invented e-commerce, #hire now, #team that invented, #teach paul, #to invent things

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Help me interview a candidate for engineering." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I think he's terrific!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Uh-oh." During the interview, Dilbert says to the candidate, "According to your resume, Paul, you invented e-commerce." The Boss says, "Wow!" The Boss then exclaims, "I'm going to hire him right now!" Dilbert replies, "Hold on." Dilbert says to Paul, "Paul, you didn't really invent e-commerce, did you?" Paul ansers, "Well..." Paul continues, "Maybe I was...um...part of the team that invented it." Dilbert, now agitated, yells "No one invented e-commerce!" The Boss, completely oblivious to all that 's been said asks Paul, "When can you start?" Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why am I here?" The Boss responds, "Maybe Paul can teach you how to invent things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #meetings, #new team, #company change startegy, #meetings turn awkward

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CEO: My new executive team got together and figured out the source of all of our problems. Dilbert: Is the problem that the executive team keeps changing, and that means the company strategy keeps changing? Wally: Is the problem that all of our meetings turn awkward?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #wages, #saved company millions, #no bonus, #ceo plans, #500 million, #acquisitions, #go team, #money

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Boss: Alice, your great work this year saved the company $10 million. But I can't give you a bonus because our CEO plans to write down $500 million for acquisitions gone bad. Go team!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #projects, #meetings, #ambiguous golas, #no budget, #angry team, #overworked people

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Boss: How's your project going? Dilbert: Do you mean the one that has no management support, ambiguous goals, no budget, and an angry team of overworked people who want it to die? Boss: No, the other one. Dilbert: Sometimes there isn't an "other one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alcoholic beverages, #boardwalk empire, #degenerated, #experince, #forklift jousting, #free beer, #fridays, #team building

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Boss: The company will no longer offer free beer on Fridays. It started as a team-building experience, but it degenerated into forklift jousting in the warehouse. Wally: I'm going all "Boardwalk Empire" on you now, Volstead! Boss: I hope that means something good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hurl software, #phase one, #server, #unplug server, #virtualization project, #team of monkeys

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Dogbert: There's no need to worry about the server virtualization project. In phase one a team of blind monkeys will unplug unnecessary servers. In phase two, the monkeys will hurl software at whatever is left. Voila!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jesus, #introduces, #new employee, #team leader, #enjoy retirement, #coffee stain

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The Boss: Wally, this is your new team leader. He spells his name like Jesus but it's pronounced Hay-Soos. If you do what Jesus would do, you can enjoy your retirement. Wally: I have a coffee stain that looks just like you. Jesus: I get that a lot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pronouned hay-soos, #fixed eye sight, #hair regrow, #40 shares, #punch pilot light, #ceo, #team organizer

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Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #project team, #foul stench, #stink of failure, #follows man

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Man says, "You must be Dilbert. I'm the new guy on your project team." Dilbert says, "What's that foul stench?" Man says, "It's the stink of failure. It follows me around from project to project." Dilbert says, "How do I get if off?!!" Man says, "You can dilute it by shaking hands."