Tech Help Comic Strips - Page 9

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567 Results for Tech Help

View 81 - 90 results for tech help comic strips. Discover the best "Tech Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decions, #dark demon, #ineffective management, #help deciosn, #requested smitting

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"Uh-oh, someone wants me to make a decision." "I summon the dark demon of ineffective management to smite the person who wants this decision!!!" "Maybe I could help you make the decision." "I requested smiting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no written objectives, #free to help, #personal philosophy

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wally: I'm cruising into my fifth month with no written objectives. some philosophers would say that having no objectives means Im free to help any team that asks. Wally: My personal philosophy is more along the lines of hiding.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #another company, #determine cause

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"This is Dogbert's tech support. Your problem is caused by another company's product or services." "Shouldnt I tell you my problem before you determine the cause?" "Okay, let's pretend that will change my answer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #database analyst, #tech writer, #database anaylst, #ignorance with certainty

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Boss: Tina, our database analyst quit, so I need you to take over that job. Tina: I'm curious... how long do you think it takes to train a tech writer to be a database analyst? Boss: Forty-five minutes. Tina: I like how you punctuate ignorance with certainty.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #cable compnay, #new glasses, #couch, #couch tech support

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Dogbert works for the cable company "If your picture is fuzzy then get new glasses." "If my glasses are theproblem, why does the couch look perfectly clear?" "Good question. Please hold while I transfer your to couch tech support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help alice, #tried working harder, #become dependant

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Wally, I want you to go help Alice on her project." "Have you tried working harder? Sometimes thta works." "I hope she doesn't become dependent on my help."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help alice, #work harder, #expect to happen

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The Boss: Wally, I asked you to help Alice on her project but all you did was tell her to work harder." "You can't just tell someone to work harder and expect it to happen!"" Wally: "Aren't you doing that right now?" The Boss: "Shut up and go work harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #help balancing, #personal life, #no love, #sound sunhealthy, #pill crybaby, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #bad computer, #designed to be slower, #unrelaible, #defragment, #disk drive

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"Dogbert's Tech Support " You have a bad case of computer rot." "Your computer is designed to become slower and more unreliable over time so you have to upgrade." "But if you'd like some false hope, I can tell you to defragment your disk drive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #try rebooting, #tech support, #clone yourself, #adoption, #notice bugs, #slapped 1.0 together, #parents

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Dogbert's Tech Support "Try rebooting yourself." "Clone yourself, put the clone up for adoption, and hope intelligence can be influenced by the environment." "Evidently your parents slapped together Version 1.0 of you and hoped no one would notice the bugs..."