Trade Off Comic Strips - Page 9
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593 Results for Trade Off
View 81 - 90 results for trade off comic strips. Discover the best "Trade Off" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 21,
2000
Tags #behind schedule, #created without knowledge, #future, #wild guesses, #surrigates, #knowledge, #project dealines, #trade, #show dates, #failure assured, #apologize, #budgets are created
Transcript
The Boss asks Dilbert, "Can you explain why your project is behind schedule?" Dilbert answers, "Yes. A schedule is an artificial device created without knowledge of the future." Dilbert goes on to say, "Wild guesses are used as surrogates for knowledge." Dilbert says to the Boss, "Project deadlines ae tied to trade show dates instead of reality." Dilbert continues his explanation, "Then management cuts the budget until failure is assured." Dilbert says to the Boss, "I assume you called me here so you can apologize for your role in all this." The Boss sits in his chair looking puzzled and amazed. Dilbert then asks the Boss, "Would you like to hear how budgets are created?"
Tuesday September 11,
2012
Tags #exhibitions, #fish & aquatic mammals, #remora, #trade show, #marine animal, #freakishly persuaive
Transcript
Asok: Have you selected a remora for your visit to the trade show? Coworker: What's a remora? Asok: A remora is a fish that suctions to the back of a larger marine animal. Coworker: He's not comfortable in crowds, but he's freakishly persuasive.
Sunday November 18,
2012
Tags #crimes, #engineers, #engineering question, #holiday lights, #homeless guy, #catapult, #satellite map, #fell off roof, #flight oath, #neighbors pool, #broken leg, #heartless
Transcript
Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.
Saturday December 22,
2012
Tags #frustration, #worms, #bad apple, #ruining everyone, #walk it off, #contagious
Transcript
Dilbert: The bad apple you hired is ruining the rest of us. Boss: Just walk it off, you big baby. I want solutions, not problems. Ouch! Stupid bad apple! Dilbert: Walk it off.
Saturday January 12,
2013
Tags #gratitude, #lay offs, #seven engineers, #trying to succeed, #gratutude, #pressure off
Transcript
Boss: I had to lay off seven engineers and... I need you to pick up those functions. Dilbert: Wow! I feel a weight has been lifted from my chest. Now that my failure is guaranteed, I no longer feel the stress of trying to succeed! I don't know how to thank you for this. Boss: This didn't go the way I hoped.
Tuesday February 12,
2008
Tags #servers, #electricity, #virtualize, #trade journal, #software, #over shoulder, #computer, #boss, #worker, #technology, #engineering
Transcript
The Boss: Our servers are using too much electricity. We need to virtualize. I did my part by reading about virtualization in a trade journal. Now you do the software part. Why is your part taking so long?"
Monday February 25,
2008
Tags #dinosuar, #law suit, #no interuptions, #prior employee, #slapped, #slapped with a suit, #take off, #business suit
Transcript
Bob: Im Bob the esquire dinosaur. your exemployee, wally, hired me to step you with a suit for hiring him. Take off your suit is I can slap you with it. Carol: Not now, He's being slapped with a suit and I don't want top ruin the rhythm.
Thursday September 25,
2008
Tags #director of green, #turn off computer, #stupid
Transcript
Director of Green Andy says, "Turn off your computer while you're thinking." Dilbert says, "That's stupid." Andy says, "if it weren't stupid, you wouldn't need me to tell you to do it."
Wednesday October 15,
2008
Tags #dogcart the ceo, #investors, #bought helicopter, #birds off building, #parking lot, #beaks and feathers
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO The Boss says, "Our investors are not happy that you bought a helicopter." The Boss says, "Or that you only use it to keep birds off the building." The Boss says, "Or that the parking lot is filling up with beaks and feathers." Dogbert says, "I can't please everyone."
Saturday March 06,
2010
Tags #cancel project, #office politics, #boss, #bald, #goatee, #children, #staff, #let off steam, #Family
Transcript
Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."