Training Comic Strips - Page 9

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

156 Results for Training

View 81 - 90 results for training comic strips. Discover the best "Training" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, hypocrisy, mandatory training, no use, meetings, regulatory paperwork, make a point, productive

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You didn't accomplish anything this month. Dilbert: Sure I did. I did the mandatory training that has no use, attended your mandatory meetings that don't help, and filled out regulatory paperwork for things we don't do. Boss: Are you trying to make a point? Dilbert: Nope. Just being productive.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mergers & acquisitions, start up, 45 hours, mandatory online training, seven customers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We got Randy by buying his start-up. Randy, Dilbert will show you how to access our 45 hours of mandatory online training. Randy: I quit. Boss: Well, at least we still have his start-up. Dilbert: And all seven of its customers, too.

Ted Cross Trains

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Cross Trains - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cross-training, fired, firing, unemployment

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, I need you to train the new hire how to do your job. Ted: Are you firing me? Boss: No, no. Just standard cross-training. Ted: Okay, I was worried for a second there. Boss: And start tidying up your cubicle.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags career, employees, office, office workers, training, trick, sabatoge

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally will train you for your new job. You'll need to figure out how much of what he says is real training and how much is career sabotage. Man: Career sabotage? Boss: Employees don't like competition. Only the top 20% get bonuses. They'll do what they can to keep you out of that group. Man: I assume you're exaggerating. Boss: You'll see. Wally: Has anyone told you about no-pants Fridays?

Alice Gets Mandatory Training

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Gets Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, office workers, punishment, threat

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I can't work with old Ned. He's a sexist, racist, bigoted troglodyte. Catbert: Name-calling is not allowed in this company. I sentence you to three weeks of mandatory training. Alice: I could trangle you with your own tail. Catbert: Six weeks!

Unconscious Bias

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Unconscious Bias - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliviousness, office workers, racism, training, bias

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: You haven't completed the mandatory training on unconscious bias. Dilbert: I'm not biased. Carol: Maybe you are when you are not conscious. Dilbert: I'm a bigot in my sleep? Carol: And you look like a drooler.

Poison Pill

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Poison Pill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-worker, cross-train, business, relationship, training, bad, fire, poison pill, planner

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i can't shake the feeling that you are intentionally doing a bad job training me how to do your job functions. ted: i'm omitting important steps, so you'll fail hard should i get fired and you are asked to fill in. it's called a "poison pill." dilbert: you're a good planner.

Dogbert Teaches Safety

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Dogbert Teaches Safety - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, safety, training, simple, corporate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's corporate safety training. Don't touch anything, don't move around, and don't talk to anyone, ever! Thanks for coming. Dilbert: That's the whole class? Dogbert: Don't blame me for being good at summarizing.

Online Class Muted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Online Class Muted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, online, training, diversity, inclusion, mute, course, confess, idiots

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: my records show you completed the online training for diversity and inclusion. apparently, you did not know we can detect it when you have the sound muted during the entire course. colleague: oops. dilbert: you can do that? Boss: no, but i can trick most of you idiots into confessing.

Industry Trends

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Industry Trends - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, industry, trend, luck, act, fast, change, increase, profits, advantage, future, bogus, training, program, company

View Transcript

Transcript

in board room. boss: industry trends just turned our way by total luck. we have to act fast! i need to implement some kind of change so it looks as if i caused the increase in profits that will happen anyway. does anyone have any ideas? dilbert: no, because we're already perfectly situated to take advantage of the trend. boss upset: that doesn't help me! i can't take credit for our future profits unless i do something i can say made a difference. dilbert: maybe you could implement some sort of bogus company culture training program. one week later. dogbert presenting on a stage: it's important to realize you're all idiots.