Turns Into Dogs Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for turns into dogs comic strips. Discover the best "Turns Into Dogs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #being replced, #robot, #hack into, #disgruntled robot, #objective unclear, #fax machine, #paranoid

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Wally: Im being replaced by a robot that drinks coffee and looks at inappropruye websites all day. Dilbert: Lets hack into it and make it disgruntled. Robot: My objectives are unclear and I think the fax machine is plotting against me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #alternative fuel divison, #oil into watwer, #uninhabitable wasteland, #water into fuel

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The Boss: Our alternative fuel division has found a way to turn fresh water into fuel! Dilbert: Wouldn't that turn the world into an uninhabitable wasteland in the long run? The Boss: Not if someone finds a way to turn oil into water.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #quantifying, #liar, #thief, #overseeing work

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The Boss says, "Maybe someone can help you quantify the value of your research and development work." Dilbert says, "The only people who can quantify the value of researcg are liars and morons." The Boss says, "Maybe we could hire a consultant." DIlbert says, "That just turns a liar into a thief."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2008's comic on:


Tags #follow arc, #phase one, #unwarranted optimism, #delusions of competence, #phase two, #obstructionists slither, #smother dreams, #ignorance and envy, #fuel rumors, #morph into common knowledge, #resources allocated, #misinformation and favoritism, #requirements will drift, #undesirable and impossible

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Dilbert says, "Our project plan will follow the usual arc." Dilbert says, "Phase one will be unwarranted optimism supported by delusions of competence." Dilbert says, "In phase two, the obstructionists will slither out of their lairs and try to smother our dreams." Dilbert says, "Ignorance and envy will fuel rumors that get repeated until they morph into common knowledge." Dilbert says, "Resources will be allocated based on misinformation and favoritism." Dilbert says, "And requirements will drift until the project is both undesirable and impossible." Dilbert says, "That brings us to the second week." Asok says, "I want my unwarranted optimism back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Our employee onboarding process will get you all mainstreamed in no time at all." "This will be your cubicle, if we can find another place to store this junk." "You'll get a phone and a computer if the budget ever gets approved." "This is Alice. She will be your mentor." "I don't have time to babysit! I'm buried in work!" "I do not like you. I...do...not...like you!!!" "Stand in the hallway and read these binders. If you learn anything, forget it, because knowledge isn't rewarded here." "Try giving up hope. It turns the bad feeling into emptiness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #clammy offcie, #all clammy, #hands are clammy, #underpants

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The Boss is in his office. He thinks, with a panicked expression on his face, "It's not just my desk; it's the chair, too!" The Boss stops Dilbert in the hallway and says, "Dilbert, come here!" The Boss leads Dilbert into his office and says, "Everything in my office feels clammy." The Boss continues, "I first noticed when I touched my phone.. then my mouse." The Boss says, "All clammy." He pauses and then asks, "What could it mean?" Dilbert responds, "It could mean your hands are clammy." Dilbert walks away whistling. The Boss calls after him, "You must never speak of this." At a meeting, Wally turns to The Boss and asks, "Have you ever noticed that everything you sit on feels like underpants?" Dilbert looks away guiltily.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #technology strategy, #not written yet, #doesn't exist, #duh, #duh to infinity

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The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, write up our technology strategy." Dilbert replies, "Okay." He pauses and then asks, "What's our strategy?" The Boss says, "How should I know? It's not written yet." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" Dilbert turns and says, "How can I write about something that doesn't exist?" He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss replies, "It will exist, as soon as you write it." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss and Dilbert exchange "Duhs:" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss turns to leave and says, "Just do it." The Boss thinks to himself, "Double duh." Dilbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Duh to infinity." Dilbert faces his computer and thinks, "If my company stock had any value, I'd be selling it right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new house, #next week, #heavy objects, #help, #cares about career, #professional companies exist, #move things, #wonderful system, #mobile home, #trailer

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Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm moving to a new house next week." The Boss continues, "I have lots of heavy objects that need to be moved." The Boss continues, "I wonder who will help me." The Boss continues, "Maybe it will be someone who cares about his career." Dilbert turns and asks, "Did you know that professional moving companies exist?" Dilbert continues, "It's true. You give them money and they move your heavy things." Dilbert continues, "It's a wonderful system. You should look into it." The Boss says to Carol, "And maybe you can bring your trailer." Carol exclaims, "It's a mobile home!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bad management, #company dying, #customer centric, #four small groups, #participation, #skits, #electricity

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our company is dying.. but not because of bad management." The Boss continues, "It's because we're not.." He points to a slide that says, "Customer centric." Wally raises his hand and says, "Well, I for one feel better knowing we have correctly identified the problem." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "That was a little thing I call participation; you should try it." The Boss says, "Now let's break into four small working groups." The Boss continues, "And develop skits based on our new focus of customer centricity." Dilbert says, "Um.. there are only four of us." He pauses and then says, "Wait.. nevermind." The Boss sits at the conference table alone and thinks, "I'll call my skit 'The Electricity of Customer Centricity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #be there minute, #sniffing, #cough, #cooties, #direct hot, #unclean, #bugs, #sneezed, #motivation, #looks like

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The Boss calls after Alice, "Tell everyone I'll be there in a minute." He makes a noise, "Sniff." Alice turns and asks, "What's all that sniffing about? Do you have a cold?" The Boss replies, "Little one." The Boss begins to shake and makes the noise, "Mmph." The Boss' mouth opens very widely and he coughs severely. Papers are blown all around; Alice is hit directly in the face with the cough. Alice exclaims, "Gaaa!!! I took a direct hit!" Alice continues, "The cooties are burrowing into my skin." Alice starts running and exclaims, "I'm unclean!!" The Boss and Catbert watch Alice. The Boss says to Catbert, "I hope that's what motivation looks like." Catbert replies, "Close enough."