Vp Stalks Alice Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for vp stalks alice comic strips. Discover the best "Vp Stalks Alice" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #restaurant trip, #distractions, #people disperse, #alice bathroom, #wally calls, #ted mail letters, #eat dinner

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Dilbert tells Alice and Wally, "We're waiting for Ted, then we can head for the restaurant." Wally says, "While we're waiting, I'll return a few phone calls." Ted walks up and says, "Let's go! Hey, where's Wally?" Dilbert thinks, "The chain reaction has begun." Dilbert covers his eyes and thinks, "Why can't we do this simple thing?" Alice says, "I'll be in the ladies' room." Wally asks, "Where's Alice?" Ted says, "I've got to mail a letter. I'll take my car and meet you there." Wally thinks, "I can make some calls." Dilbert yells at Ted, "You're the only one who knows which restaurant we're going to!" Ted replies, "Alice knows where it is. Tell her it's the one with the food." The Boss asks Dilbert, "Has your team finished engineering the new missile guidance chip?" Dilbert replies, "I think it's time to give peace a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dilbert needs staples, #asks secreatry, #need order number, #supply catalog, #wally borrowed, #wally needs help, #alice needs meeting, #new vendor, #almost stapled

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Dilbert asks a secretary, "Helen, do you have any staples in the supply cabinet?" Helen replies, "No, I only stock the basics: cheap pens with green ink, big jars of glue and ribbons for obsolete printers." Dilbert asks, "Could you order some staples?" Helen says, "You need to give me the order number." Dilbert says, "Okay. Can I see your supply catalog?" Helen replies, "Wally borrowed it." Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The phone rings and Helen says, "I'd better get that; it might be personal." Dilbert stands in the doorway and says, "Wally, do you have the . . ." Wally interrupts, "I need your help with this. Pull up a chair." Alice appears and says, "I need both of you to come talk to a vendor that we'll never use." Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "Thanks to teamwork, I almost stapled something today." Dogbert says, "I'm so proud to know you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 1995's comic on:


Tags #alice, #janitor, #over time pay, #75k per year, #basment, #reading magazines, #fishing, #engineer, #no over time, #Sports, #engineering

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Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 1996's comic on:


Tags #analysis, #worked all night, #vital, #meeting, #excellent work, #alice, #backup material, #performance review cycle, #naked body threat to boss, #cheap suit, #fling, #business, #science

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Alice says to the Boss, "Here's the analysis you asked for . . . I worked all night." Alice continues, "But you said this was vital for your meeting today so I know it was worth the effort." The Boss sits at his desk reading the report. He says, "This is excellent work, Alice." Alice closes her eyes and thinks, "A rare compliment; it was all worthwhile." As Alice walks away the Boss says, "I'll use it as backup material." Alice says angrily, "Backup?!! Nobody looks at backup material!" Alice says, "I'm going to grab your pointy hair, yank you out of that cheap suit and fling your naked body down the hall." The Boss lies in the hall with no clothes on. Wally says, "She's always irritable the week before her performance review cycle." Dilbert says, "Her distance improved this year."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 1996's comic on:


Tags #accordingly, #decrease details, #greetings, #increase lies, #more funding, #need more funding, #variety super powers, #senior vice president

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our senior vice president will be dropping in today." The Boss holds up a chart showing "lies" and "boss level." He says, "Remember to increase your lies accordingly." The Boss holds up a chart showing "details" and "boss level." He says, "And decrease the details you provide." The Boss continues, "If I think you're being too informative, I'll signal by fidgeting." The Boss continues, "Just say everything is fine, but we need more funding. Here he comes." The senior VP stands in the doorway and says, "Sorry I'm late. How is everyone?" Wally replies, "I'm not saying." Dilbert replies, "I'm fine, but I need more funding." Alice replies, "I have a wide variety of super powers." The senior VP thinks, "I feel a sudden, urgent need to unload my stock options." The Boss waves his arms and thinks, "Fidget fidget."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1996's comic on:


Tags #meets expectations, #review, #two percent raise, #eighty hour week, #three patents, #make millions, #donated bone marrow, #attendece problem, #cheated on money, #alice, #take advantage, #cheap, #scammed

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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Alice, your performance this year is 'meets expectations.' You get a two percent raise." Alice looks shocked and says, "MEETS EXPECTATIONS?! I worked eighty hours every week!" The Boss replies, "Yeah . . . Well, I expected that." Alice yells, "I earned three patents this year! The company will make millions!!" The Boss says, "Really? Wow. I mean . . . I expected that too." Alice clenches her teeth and shouts, "I donated bone marrow to our biggest customer!!! Twice!!!" The Boss replies, "I noted that under 'attendance problem.'" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice leans on the table and covers her face. Dilbert tells her, "I told you the bone marrow thing would haunt you." Wally says, "I'm starting to think the time I worked through lunch was for nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new manager, #keith, #masters in business, #motivating employees, #hire good people, #optional reading, #finance and economics, #alice

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The Boss says, "Alice, I'd like you to meet the newest member of my management team." The Boss continues, "Keith is highly qualified, he has a masters in business administration." Alice and Keith shake hands. Alice says, "Very impressive. They must have taught you a lot about motivating employees." Keith replies, "No, not really." Alice says, "Well . . . You probably learned how to identify and hire good people, right?" Keith replies, "That might have been optional reading." Alice asks, "Did you learn negotiation skills? Strategic thinking? Business writing?" Keith answers "No" to all three questions. Keith explains, "It was mostly finance and accounting. And economics." Alice says, "So, you're a highly qualified leader because . . . You're good at math?" Keith whispers to the Boss, "What should I do here?" The Boss replies, "In these situations I like to use swearing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #quick phone call, #make small talk, #brought a magazine, #alice, #panty hose

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At the staff meeting, The Boss pokes his head in and says, "I have to make a quick phone call." Dilbert says, "Do you want to make small talk?" Wally says, "No." Wally says, "I brought a magazine." Dilbert asks,"Could you tear out a few pages for me to read?" Wally says, "That wouldn't be right." Dilbert says, "Give me some pages or else I'll ask Alice about panty hose." Dilbert says, "You wouldn't dare." Dilbert says, "So, Alice, what do you think about the concept of panty hose?" Alice screams, "Aaargh!! What moron invented leg covers that can be destroyed by touching a twig?!" Wally tears some pages out from his magazine and offers them to Dilbert saying, "Make it stop!" Dilbert says, "Too late." Alice puts her legs up on the table and says, "Look at this!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #revenue figures, #no revenue, #upgradimg, #project revenues, #spread hseet, #fist of death

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The Boss stands at Alice's desk. The Boss says, "When you show this to our VP. Put in some revenue figures." Alice says, "There's no revenue. All we're doing is upgrading our network." The Boss says, "I might have told him the project has revenues." Alice grits her teeth. The Boss says, "Lets not confuse him by changing the story now." Alice covers her eyes. Alice screams, "Yi-yi-yi." Alice says, "O-o-o-okay. How much revenue do you want? A million dollars?" The Boss says, "I might have told him it was more." Alice screams, "Just tell me what lie to use!!!" The Boss says, "Can't you calculate it on the spreadsheet?" Alice's fists clench, Alice's eyes bulge. Alice thinks, "Must control....fist..of...death..."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 1998's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #introductions, #alice, #breakdown, #bad company, #bad boss, #freak out at meeting, #business

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Lets start by introducing ourselves. Susan: Im susan black from I.T.G. I work for Emily Wooten. Max: Im Max Blumf. I work for Susan. Alice: Im Alice. I work for....uh...I... AAAGH!! IM filled with shame by association!!! WHY ME? WHY WHY WHY Please take me to your group! Im not tainted!!! The Boss: Can we start over? I forgot who the first three people are....