Win Win Scenarios Comic Strips - Page 9
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98 Results for Win Win Scenarios
View 81 - 90 results for win- win scenarios comic strips. Discover the best "Win Win Scenarios" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 01,
2016
Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics
Transcript
Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?
Tuesday August 23,
2016
Wally Self Identifies As A Woman
Tags #trans, #transgender, #gimmick
Transcript
Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.
Sunday September 04,
2016
Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline
Transcript
Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.
Sunday October 09,
2016
Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.
Wednesday December 28,
2016
Picking The Spaceship Staff
Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical
Transcript
CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.
Friday August 18,
2017
Winning The Meeting
Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism
Transcript
Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.
Thursday October 12,
2017
Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating
Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception
Transcript
Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.
Wednesday October 25,
2017
Arguing On Twitter With Facts
Tags #trolling, #troll, #social media, #argument, #logic, #reason, #arguing, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Watch me win this debate on Twitter by providing facts and logic. Now we wait for everyone in the world to change their minds. Dilbert: How's the first minute going? Boss: What is wrong with these monsters?!!
Thursday December 14,
2017
Boss Loses Wife And Money
Tags #role model, #aspiration, #gambler, #gambling, #money, #Win, #Lose, #success, #quitter
Transcript
Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?