Win Win Scenarios Comic Strips - Page 9

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View 81 - 90 results for win- win scenarios comic strips. Discover the best "Win Win Scenarios" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Self Identifies As A Woman

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Wally Self Identifies As A Woman - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trans, #transgender, #gimmick

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Catbert: I heard that you self-identify as a woman. Wally: No, I don't. Catbert: Well, I need you to do that so the company can be supportive and win some awards for being a great place to work. Dilbert: Because why? Wally: I got my own bathroom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

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Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #meeting, #tardiness, #punctual, #badmouth, #business

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Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Picking The Spaceship Staff

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Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

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CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Winning The Meeting

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Winning The Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #game, #cruelty, #insult, #criticism

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Wally: Meetings used to be frustrating and boring until I gamified that situation. Now I try to win meetings by criticizing co-workers offering no ideas of my own, and leaving without any new task. Dilbert: You call that winning? Wally: Compared to my victims, yes.

Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating

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Dilbert Is Bad At Negotiating  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotiating, #haggle, #trick, #deception

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Dilbert: I want you to lower your price, but I don't know how to negotiate. Man: It's easy. All you need to do is offer to pay more than the list price and wait for me to counteroffer. Dilbert: Okay... I'll pay twenty percent over the list price. Man: You win! Sign here.

Arguing On Twitter With Facts

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Arguing On Twitter With Facts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trolling, #troll, #social media, #argument, #logic, #reason, #arguing, #technology

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Boss: Watch me win this debate on Twitter by providing facts and logic. Now we wait for everyone in the world to change their minds. Dilbert: How's the first minute going? Boss: What is wrong with these monsters?!!

Boss Loses Wife And Money

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Boss Loses Wife And Money  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #role model, #aspiration, #gambler, #gambling, #money, #Win, #Lose, #success, #quitter

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Boss: It's not easy being a professional gambler. I lost a million dollars and my wife in one week. But I don't want to be a quitter because I know you see me as a role model. Carol: My role model is your wife. Boss: You like quitters?

Boss Hits Jackpot

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 Boss Hits Jackpot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gambling, #Win, #loss, #money, #obliviousness, #jackpot

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Boss: My side job as a professional gambler is going great. I won a $5,000 jackpot this weekend. Dilbert: How much did you lose? Boss: About $700,000 and my wife. Wally: Didn't you tell her about the $5,000?

Never Give Reasons

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Never Give Reasons  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #debates, #internet, #Opinion, #social media, #idiot

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Dogbert the Internet Debate Coach Dogbert: Never give reasons for your opinions. That only gives your opponent fodder for proving you're an idiot. Asok: Then how can I win a debate on social media? Dogbert: No one knows. It has never been done.