Working 80 Hours Comic Strips - Page 9
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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've decided to make some changes to our corporate culture." Wally says, "Let me guess what that means." Wally continues, "We'll work longer hours without extra pay . . ." Wally continues, "Your management style will remain exactly the same because Lord knows there's no need for YOU to change." Dilbert adds, "We'll start calling ourselves a 'team' so it doesn't seem like work!" Alice covers her eyes and says, "I predict there will be vapid slogans printed on notepads, and maybe some useless meetings." Dilbert says, "She's psychic!" Dilbert asks, "Is is just me or is the culture already changing?" Wally shouts, "I feel it! We're changing!" Wally looks at the agenda and asks, "What's next on the fad menu?" The Boss thinks, "I wonder if it's too late to rule by fear."
Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."
The caption says, "Job interview." Wally sits across from the interviewer's desk. The man says, "We're looking for a special kind of employee, Wally." The man continues, "Specifically, we like people with low self-esteem." The man continues, "That way we can bully them into working unpaid overtime." The man asks, "Do you think you're insecure enough to work here?" Wally replies, "Let me put it this way." Wally says, "Sometimes I pretend to choke in the cafeteria . . ." Wally continues, "Then when someone performs the Heimlich maneuver on me I spin around suddenly . . ." Wally concludes, "Just to get a hug." Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice asks, "Did he really say you're over-qualified?" Wally pretends to choke on his food.
Dilbert enters the Boss's office. He says, "Here's my project plan as you requested." Dilbert explains, "Our team is already working day and night on other projects." Dilbert continues, "I assumed we'd give up eating, sleeping and bathing to fit this in." Dilbert continues, "By the second week we'll be starving, delirious and stinking." Dilbert continues, "We'll be like wild, unpredictable animals." Dilbert continues, "Specifically, we'd be like wild chipmunks. None of us are very aggressive." Dilbert points to the proposal and says, "This clip art represents us in week three as a pile of dead chipmunks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Now he wants it in two weeks?" Dilbert says, "Never mix sarcasm with good clip-art."
The Boss says to Wally, who is seated at his computer, "Wally, you are invited to my new 'after-5 club.'" The Boss says, "A select group of employees will meet after work to think of creative ideas." Wally turns to The Boss and says, "Is there a club for people who know how to think during business hours?"
Dilbert is sitting at his computer when the phone rings. Dilbert's mom is on the other end. She is sitting in a chair with an open laptop with Dilbert's face on the screen. She says, "I've been watching you through your web cam and I don't think you're working hard enough." (With the emphasis on "much"...) She says, "Well, there wasn't much of a fire wall. I'm using your mail server to spam my mahjongg club."
The Boss: Your project is to build a call center to handle customer questions. Keep the costs downy making the working conditions inhumane. Dilbert: My conscience won't allow me to harm innocent employees. The Boss: we won't be paying enough ti hire any innocent employees.
Consulting his planner, Wally tells a co-worker: "I can't meet next Tuesday because that's a B.V. day." The co-worker asks: "B.V.?" Wally explains: "Boss Vacation. I don't need to pretend I'm working that day." Consulting his planner again, Wally continues: "And on Wednesday I'll be walking around all day with a binder."
Catbert, now acting as the Evil H.R. director, aks Dilbert "Would you work harder if we offerec stock incentives." Dilbert responds, "Yes." Catbert asks, "So you admit you're not working hard enough now?" Dilbert replies unsure "Umm..." Catbert goes on to ask Dilbert, "Lastly, are you still beating up customers?"
The Boss calls to Dilbert as he stands in the doorway of his office. "Thanks to you, my computer screen is all fuzzy now!" Dilbert continues walking, wondering to himself what the Boss was talking about. The Boss is irritated with Dilbert and with both arms raised he says, "You're always fiddling with something that makes something else stop working." Dilbert replies, "Don't clean your screen with your handkerchief during flu season." The Boss answers with both hands on his hips, "Stop changing the subject."