Narrator: Dogbert's Cryogenic Investment Advice. Dogbert: We'll remove your brain and freeze it until your investments are worth a fortune. Man: Does it hurt? Dogbert: Totally painless. Man: Aaaagh! It hurts! Dogbert: Oh. I thought we were talking about me.
Dilbert: My co-workers make it impossible to work. I hear every one of their phone calls. It's maddening. When they walk past my cubicle it breaks my flow. And don't get me started about the food smells coming from the break room. They ask me one dumb question after another. I don't know who keeps turning up the thermostat. But it's too hot to think.
The Boss: Would it help if I threaten to fire you?
Dilbert: It's worth a try I'll be in my cubicle pretending to work.
Tina: You're a narcissist.
Dilbert: You would need an inflated sense of your own importance to believe you can read my mind to compare my opinion of myself to your opinion of my worth.
Tina: Huh?
Dilbert: Sometimes my jokes are just for me.
Man: Hi, I'm an inexperienced employee who tells experienced employees how to do their jobs. I compensate for my lack of experience with a thing called arrogance.
Dilbert: That sounds worth-less.
Man: Oh, yeah? Then why does every company have one of me?
boss: i'm proud to announce that we've been named "employer of the year."
dilbert: how much did that cost?
boss: nothing! all we had to do was buy a million dollars' worth of ads.
dilbert: did we need those ads?
boss: you won't win any awards with that attitude.
dogbert: i discovered a way to make time stand still.
dilbert: that isn't possible.
dogbert: i'll prove it. i just need to find something on my phone and show it to you. looking... looking... here it is! wait... no, that isn't it. looking... looking...
dilbert distressed: gaaa! i'm so bored watching you look through your phone!!! time is standing still! you win...and i hate you.
dogbert: totally worth it.
Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline.
Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape.
Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said.
Dilbert: I think that's best.
