Good Or Evil Comic Strips - Page 90

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Good Or Evil

View 891 - 900 results for good or evil comic strips. Discover the best "Good Or Evil" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #futurists, #baby boomers, #retire, #coffee, #standing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "Futurists say that when baby boomers start retiring in big numbers, you won't be able to fill critical job openings." Wally says, "If you agree to let me slack off now, I'll give you a few good years when I'm sixty." The Boss says, "What if you renege?" Wally says, "That's a risk I'm willing to take."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sitting, #survey, #benefits, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?According to the employee survey, you want fewer benefits.? Dilbert says, ?I don't remember doing a survey.? Catbert says, ?We polled a random sample.? Dilbert says, ?That seems a bit suspicious.? Catbert says, ?In other findings, you want more verbal abuse.?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #acid, #vat, #toxic fumes, #standing on chair, #scared, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?Ted, I'm transferring you to a job with a higher risk of industrial accidents.? Catbert says, ?Your job will involve reaching over a vat of acid while wearing no safety harness.? Ted says, ?Why do we have a vat of acid?? Catbert says, ?Because toxic fumes take forever.?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #hire, #consultant, #raise morale, #pointless, #magic, #feel good, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to raise your morale by making you glad you're not him." Ratbert says, "No one loves me. My life is pointless. I eat old soap." The Boss says, "Now let the magic begin." Dilbert says, "I feel good about not eating old soap." Ratbert says, "Cha!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #letter, #ceo, #reading, #good fortune, #share, #winery, #wine, #angry, #helicopters, #human chess board, #frighten, #dwarves, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management theory, #engineer, #find, #choices, #unhelpful, #useless, #office, #characters, #impractical, #doomed, #high demand, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I need you to assign one of your engineers to my project." The Boss says, "Follow me and I'll show you your choices." The Boss says, "This one is highly capable, but she's in such high demand that you'll be lucky if she ever returns a call." The Boss says, "This one is aggressively unhelpful." The Boss says, "This one will tell you that all of your plans are impractial and doomed." The Boss says, "That one is an intern, so no one takes him seriously." The Boss says, "My management theory is that nature makes everyone useless in their own way." Man says, "I'm not useless." The Boss says, "Said the man who can't find a good engineer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #heaven, #hell, #helvin, #died, #angels, #demons, #union, #outsource, #scared, #harp, #unsure, #halo

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I think I died. Am I in heaven or hell?" Raj says, "You're in Helvin. My name is Raj." Raj says, "Heaven and hell have been outsourcing souls to us since the demons and angels unionized." The Boss says, "So? is this place good or bad?" Raj says, "Well, you get a harp, but you won't like how we give it to you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #marketing department, #robust, #products, #confused, #clueless, #useful, #argue, #stupid, #etiquette & ethics, #waste time, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "The marketing department has asked us to make our products more robust." Dilbert says, "None of us knows what that means." Dilbert says, "So we can either cancel this meeting and go ask them?" Dilbert says, "Or we can pretend that arguing with each other about the true meaning of 'robust' is just as good." Dilbert says, "While that option is stupid, it would give us the illusion of doing something useful right now." Asok says, "Would it be ethical to ignore the long-term interests of stockholders just ot feel good about ourselves for a few minutes?" Dilbert says, "I think robust means it has lots of features." Wally says, "It means sturdy!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #load calcs, #remind, #monday, #determined, #forget, #remember, #fist, #hiding day, #good luck, #hallway, #standing

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker says, "Wally, I need your load calcs by Tuesday." Wally says, "Remind me on Monday." Coworker says, "You're hoping I won't remember to remind you. Then you'll say it's my fault." Coworker says, "But I will remember, and I will remind you." Wally says, "Good luck. Monday is my hiding day."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #walk, #outside, #project, #budget, #executive cancel, #wag tail, #evil, #cure, #incompetence, #back shot, #stand on stump

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "We realized our project can't work even if we execute it perfectly." Dilbert says, "Our boss' plan is to go over budget, attract attention, and hope an executive cancels our project for his own political reasons." Dogbert says, "Now do you agree that evil is the cure for incompetence?" Dilbert says, "Don't make me say it."