Know Every Tragedy Comic Strips - Page 90

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #favor, #comments, #article, #go away, #wait util tomorrow, #hope, #worthless, #extra work, #worsen results, #ignoring needs

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Tina: "Wally, can I get your comments on my article by tomorrow?" Wally: "Sure." Tina: "You say, 'sure,' but we both know it's a lie." "You just want me to go away." "You plan to wait until tomorrow and make an excuse." "Then you'll hope I'll give up." Wally: "Yes, but remember, my comments are always worthless, they would cause you extra work and worsen the result." "So if I give you nothing. Everyone wins." Tina: "In that case, thank you for ignoring my needs." Wally: "It's the least I could do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #develop good attitude, #job, #invigorated, #busy work, #relabel, #toner cartridges, #business

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Asok: "I'm trying to develop a good attitude about my job." "Every morning I tell myself I am invigorated by busywork." The Boss: "Asok, I need you to relabel the toner cartridges." Asok: "Woo-hoo!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #back up server, #overkill, #wrote document, #interpret document, #meaning, #missinterpret document

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"This document says a backup server is overkill." Dilbert: "Um, no, it says the opposite of that. I know because I wrote it this morning." "No, I think you're misinterpreting it." Dilbert: "I wrote it!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #original problem, #crazy or liar, #both, #computer, #technology

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Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert: "No one else has ever reported that problem." "That means you are either crazy or a liar." Man: "It's a little of both, but how did you know?" DOgbert: "I can see through your computer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost estimate, #user requirements, #estimate, #go over budget, #fired, #Number, #ten million dollars, #know cost, #input

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The Boss: "I need a cost estimate on your project." Dilbert: "I have no idea I haven't even gathered the user requirements." The Boss: "Don't worry I won't hold you to the estimate." Dilbert: "Yes you will. You will put it in the plan, forget we had this conversation, and fire me when I go over budget." The boss: "Give me a number or I'll fire you right now." Dilbert: "Okay, it will cost ten million dollars." The Boss: "That's too high." Dilbert: "If you already know the cost why are you asking me?" The Boss: "So you'll feel like you had input." Dilbert: "Is input supposed to feel this bad?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffe pot, #coffee stand, #offcie, #yell, #order coffee, #quality of life, #taste better

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Carol: "Don't you dare take another cup of coffee." "The more you drink, the more often I have to order coffee. You are destroying my quality of life!" "Gaaa!!!" Wally: "If this doesn't make the coffee taste better, I don't know what will."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #dont know, #creating illusion, #work, #conflating, #concepts, #attendence, #prodcutivity, #business

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Tina: I don't know you. Why are you in this meeting? Wally: "I'm creating the illusion of work by conflating the concepts of attendance and productivity." "You should leave." Wally: "And who should I say hates teamwork?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #order from boss, #reptilian brain, #not apparent, #move cubicle, #closer to department

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The boss: "Alice, I want you to move to a cubicle closer to the rest of the department." Alice: "Is there a reason that isn't apparent, or is this coming from the reptilian part of your brain?" The boss: "How would you know?" Alice: "That's a surprisingly good point."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #enhance strategy, #next adjacency, #no way to verify

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The Boss: "What have you done lately to enhance our strategy into the next adjacency?" Dilbert: "I don't know what that means, so I'm going to say 'everything.'" The Boss: "He's lucky there's no way to verify that claim."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firing, #incompetent, #another job, #lack of training, #new job, #incompetence, #normal

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The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."