Retail Business Comic Strips - Page 90
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1000 Results for Retail Business
View 891 - 900 results for retail business comic strips. Discover the best "Retail Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 03,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, work all night, inspiring employees, clearly defined roles, business
Transcript
Boss: We'll finish this project even if we have to work all night! Well, I just did my job of inspiring you, so I might as well go home. How do you like our clearly defined roles now?
Sunday August 05,
2012
Tags business ethics, work ethic, top engineers, competetors, firing, get rid of, updating resume, goes as planned, hideous disese, felt useuful, threatening employment
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.
Monday August 06,
2012
Tags business meeting, cup of water, not impressed, fill sink, bring own cup, not impressive, optics
Transcript
Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!
Wednesday August 15,
2012
Tags business ethics, mergers & acquisitions, google, 100 million, engineers, jump ship, ceo, buy out
Transcript
CEO: Google offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. Dilbert: Huh. I wonder if I can convince the other engineers to jump ship today and share $100 million amongst us. CEO: What did he just say? Dilbert: Nothing. Just thinking out loud.
Sunday August 19,
2012
Tags absent mindedness, cruelty, managers & supervisors, entrpenuer, bullying, lying, manipulation, verbal abuse, huge jerk, biograophy, business
Transcript
Dogbert: You need to act more like an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs make decisions that will end in failure 90% of the time. They motivate people through bullying, lying, manipulation and verbal abuse. Entrepreneurs make their employees work so many hours that their personal lives and their bodies fall apart. Boss: I've been doing all that stuff for years. Dogbert: Has it worked? Boss: No. Dogbert: Well, in that case, you're not an entrepreneur. You're just a huge jerk. Boss: Is that why no one is writing my biography?
Tuesday August 21,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, tailored style, each employee, pool cue, leadership is guessing, business
Transcript
Boss: A good manager tailors his leadership style to fit each employee. In your case, I think the best approach involves poling you with a sharpened pool cue. To be perfectly honest, a big part of leadership is guessing.
Saturday August 25,
2012
Tags business ethics, fake 50%, dumb customers, smart shoppers, $400 per hour, freaking genius
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: Your fake 50% sale prices make dumb customers feel like smart shoppers. CEO: Why am I paying you $400 an hour to tell me what I already know? Dogbert: Usually I charge $800 and hour. CEO: Yes! I'm a freakin' genius.
Sunday August 26,
2012
Tags employees, managers & supervisors, money, raise, higher pay, income higher, boss salary, intuition, business
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?
Wednesday August 29,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, prosperity, intuition, market research, success rate, binary choices, tiny manager, made of copper, business
Transcript
Boss: From now on, I'm going to rely on my intuition instead of market research. Dilbert: If guessing can bring your success rate up to 50% for binary choices, I'm all for it. Hey, look! I found a tiny manager made of copper in my pocket!
Thursday August 30,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, work ethic, low priority tasks, rational being, reward, business
Transcript
Boss: You keep spending time on low-priority tasks. Dilbert: That's because I'm a rational being. I only work on tasks that are likely to give me some sort of reward. Boss: I don't know how to deal with that. Dilbert: Have you tried managing?


