300% More Criticism Comic Strips - Page 90

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for 300% More Criticism

View 891 - 900 results for 300% more criticism comic strips. Discover the best "300% More Criticism" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new software interface, #operating system, #new hardware, #anti gravity, #packaging, #reaction, #perfromance review

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss walks by and Dilbert says to him, "Please don't promise the product manager more than we can deliver." The product manager says to the Boss, "We need a totally new software interface in one month." The Boss replies, "You got it!" The woman continues, "And rewrite the operating system so we dominate the industry." The Boss says, "Concurrent development. Check." The woman thinks, "Suddenly I feel omnipotent." She stands up and says, "I want all new hardware, anti-gravity packaging, holographic agents . . ." The Boss yawns. The manager asks, "Can your team really do that in a month?" The Boss replies, "Let me get their reaction." The Boss shows Wally a document. Wally screams and his skull pops out of his mouth. Wally lies on the floor twitching. The Boss says, "Pessimism will not look good on your permformance review."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bob in procurement, #approved equipment list, #approved list, #more work, #alleged test, #philosophy, #bob the dinosaur

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is in Bob the Dinosaur's office. Bob says, "I'm afraid the equipment you want is not on the approved equipment list." Bob continues, "Let me think . . . if I add this to the approved list, that's more work for ME . . . but if I say no, it's more work for YOU . . . hmm . . . think, think . . ." Wally says, "I'd like to see this alleged list." Bob replies, "Well, it's not so much a physical list as it is a philosophy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #more than me, #like computer, #girl friend, #jealous of computer, #that computer, #ask about lap top

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. Liz says to Dilbert, "I think you like that computer more than you like me." Dilbert responds, "That's not true, Liz. I do NOT like that computer more than I like you." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Please, please don't ask about the laptop." Liz asks, "'That' computer?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #over worked, #engineer, #more work, #too many projects, #success impossible, #same result, #honk honk, #inventory, #office building, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss hands Alice a paper and says, "Take care of this, Alice." Alice says, "'Take care of this'? This would double my workload." Alice says, "I've already got so many projects that I can't do anything useful with any of them." Alive continues, "But if success is impossible then . . . I'm . . free . ." Alice laughs and shouts, "Free! Free!" Alice sings, "The result will be the same no matter what I do! Yes yes yes." Alice grabs the Boss's hair and says, "Honk honk!" The Boss says, "Moving along . . . We need to inventory our office equipment." Dilbert says, "Sounds like a job for Alice."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reengineered job, #more fulfilled, #value chain, #stages of prodcution, #fired secretaries, #credenza

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is in the Boss's office. The Boss says, "Great news! I've reengineered your job to make you more fulfilled!" The Boss continues, "You'll no longer be limited to one little part of the value chain. You'll be involved in all stages of production!" Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "Oh Lord, you fired all the secretaries!!" The Boss orders, "Dust my credenza."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #increase budget, #training, #leave the company, #more money, #competitor, #down side

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. Wally demands, "You've got to increase the budget for training!" The Boss responds, "If I train you, then wouldn't you just leave the company to make more money working for our competitor?" Wally says, "I guess there is a downside." The Boss asks, "And the downside would be . . . ?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hands on manager, #move the mouse, #micromanaging, #click it

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. The Boss enters and says, "I've decided to be more of a hands-on manager." The Boss stands behind Dilbert and yells, "Move the mouse . . . Up . . . Up . . . Over . . . More . . . Now click it!! Click it!!" The Boss raises his arms over his head and screams, "No!!! You fool!!!" Dilbert says, "This has 'long day' written all over it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #putting in charge, #biff, #big improvements for free, #recommend ways, #increase profit, #spend mpney, #make money, #more money, #so called, #report tomorrow, #lava lamps, #few bucks

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I'm putting you in charge of project 'BIFF.'" The Boss says "'BIFF' stands for 'Big Improvements For Free.'" The Boss says, "Your job is to recommend ways to increase profits without spending money or changing anything." Dilbert says, "You have to spend money to make money." The Boss says, "If we HAD money to spend we wouldn't need to MAKE money. Duh." Dilbert says, "The point is that you can make MORE money than you spend." The Boss says, "I'm not following your so-called 'point.'" The Boss says, "Logically, anything I don't understand is unimportant. Have your report tomorrow." The Boss sits at his desk, holding Dilbert's report. The Boss says, "So, you recommend . . . Replacing all managers with lava lamps." Dilbert reaches into his pocket and says, "Here's a few bucks for the lava lamps."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketings approval, #flex power, #useless data, #major stallion, #wife address

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of a the Vice President of Marketing's desk. The VP reads a document and says, "I could give you marketing's approval right now . . ." The VP continues, "Or I could flex my vice presidential power and send you to gather more useless data . . . My ego would expand and I'd be a major stallion with my wife tonight." The VP asks Dilbert, "Do you think you can top that?" Dilbert replies, "Ill try, sir. What's your wife's address?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #financial advisor, #sticks, #nuuities, #capital gains, #reduce income taxes, #give me money, #die a pauper

View Transcript

Transcript

A prospective client sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert says, "Stocks . . . annuities . . . derivatives . . . capital gains tax . . ." Dogbert shouts, "It's all too confusing for you!! Give me all your money now or you'll die a pauper!! Now! Now!! Before interest rates fall!! As he signs a document, the client says, "Will this reduce my income taxes?" Dogbert says, "More than you might guess."